waterfalls -an ian carter fanfiction-

chapter two

song of the chapter: comfortably numb, pink floyd

i curl up in a ball and lay on the tiled floors. my eyes hurt and my hands are shaking. my mind wanders as i shut my eyes, but tears are still coming out. eventually my breath stops catching and the tears dry. i lay on my side as my mind becomes numb. my body no longer exists to me. i feel the world disappear as i fall in to a trance like state. i wasn't sad, or happy, or mad. i just existed. and it was okay. time was taken away from me, i had no perception of the hours as they passed. eventually i knew i had to get up. do something. i walked towards my office and sat comfortably in my chair. the computer screen lights up and illuminates my face. comments, words, letters, they all passed me by.
"so, ian, what do you like to do besides make videos?" i presume this is the girl, jessie or something. i thought about it. i don't know.
"i guess i like to act." i've taken a few acting classes before i suppose it could be something i enjoy. how funny is it that my entire existence can be summed up in a few short sentences of things i enjoy... it's actually quite pitiful.
"that's really cool :) what kind of stuff do you like to act out? things like plays, shakespeare and whatnot, or just skits and stuff?" i thought about it... i actually do like shakespeare. i can't say that though... i'm not fucking gay.
"idk like improv and shit. what do you like to do?"
"i like watching youtube, people like obviously you, frank, and max and stuff :)" so i guess she has the same sense of humor as i do. but sometimes i wonder if that personality i portray online is even me anymore.
"sweet. nice to see people appreciating the content we make."
"sorry, i have to ask, are you happy ian?" what? why would she ask me that? how could she possibly fucking know whether i was happy or not. she's lying. "they know ian. they know you hate them. worthless. worthless. worthless." chatter in my brain, yelling, screaming.

power down.

the light abruptly stops and i am left sitting in the dark. my skin shivers. i never realized how cold it was inside my office. what time is it? i manage to stumble outside my office without breaking much. i walk towards the clock on my stove and read the time, 3:24 a.m. time flies i suppose. i guess i should get to bed, work in the morning. i walk in the dark and get to my room. my bed is a tangled mess as i never made it today. great. i undress down and change into just a pair of boxers. i crawl into the bed and try and get as comfortable as i could inside of my messy bed. and just sleep.