Through Her Eyes

Entry One

Many Years Ago

Age 16

August 21st

Dear Diary,

       Today started off like any other day. I had awoke from a deep sleep, and found the dreams of the night had escaped me again. I had decided to get dressed, but thoughts crowded my mind. The place I call home is simple. It’s very small and room only enough for me; a one bedroom, one bath, kitchen/dining room, and living room. My grandparents left it for me when they passed away a few years back. Throughout my childhood I lived with my grandparents, but often they didn’t have enough food for all three of us. Many nights were spent foraging for food. Since their home was always so small my bed was a makeshift mattress in the living room made from random cushions. When I got of age to hold a job I would work in town doing odd jobs for the local baker. He was always fond of me, but couldn’t pay much money. So he would give me free baked goods as payment when he couldn’t afford to give me anything else. Those times were nice. I was very proud to be able to supply food and coin for the grandparents that had looked after me since birth. Three years later they both fell ill. The first to go was my grandmother. The illness swept through her body quickly, and next was my grandfather. What killed them was pneumonia. Some may think that continuing to live in this house would drive me crazy with memories. However, it does the opposite for me. Somehow I feel comforted as if their essence was still here with me. I remember the day my grandfather passed. The doctor was not very compassionate when I had taken the long walk there. It was as if he was telling me with no emotion in his voice. I’m sure that job is hard, but if it were me I would have tried to sound sorry.

       Instead of continuing to brute on those memories I had decided to get something to eat for breakfast. When I opened the kitchen door I noticed that food was getting thin. I grabbed the last bit of butter and the last two slices of bread. I knew what I would have to do. Since I have no job there is no money. People may wonder why I don’t just go out there and get a job. It’s hard in these times to get a job that pays enough. I don’t have much education, because I had to stay at home to help my grandparents. Plus they couldn’t afford to send me in town every day. It was too long of a walk for a little girl, and to pay a neighbor to use a horse was too much money. Times were hard then just as they are now. The only time I get money is when I am either lucky enough to find it or if someone is offering an odd job and that’s not often. I had to make a stop behind the local market to find something. Usually the food is alright if you know what to pick out. I find many people coming back there to take things the company throws away. I tell you diary, if people didn’t waste as much so many people wouldn’t be hungry.

        Later that day I decided to go to the park for some fresh air. Sometimes I sit and watch the children play or people walking their dogs. Other times I may get a chance to talk with someone who looks inviting. The park is nice with large trees and flowers growing about. There is an area for kids, an area for pets, and a pathway for people to take walks on. My favorite place to sit is near the small river that runs through. That area is always so welcoming. As I was about to sit down I was suddenly interrupted by dark clouds over head. The rain started to drizzle and there I was outside in the pouring rain as people rushed inside. I, being on foot, had to find shelter until the worse passed. Sound easy? It wasn’t, my picks were sitting under a tree or constantly walking through a few shops, but I didn’t want anyone to think I was stealing. Spending too much time anywhere without spending money will cause you to look suspicious.  Needless to say, I took my chances with the tree. The storm hadn’t seemed too bad, but the winds were kind of strong. About half an hour later most of the storm passed, and the dark clouds were exchanged for grey. 

        I got myself together and went to the trash cans where everything was mostly picked over. I was hungry so I had to deal with what was left. Continuing for home with one tomato that had a small brown spot, a loaf of bread that had a cut in the bottom, and a bag of grapes that were mostly edible I thought the day was going to be not so bad. What awaited me back home was nothing short of terrible. I stood in front of my small home that lay in rubbles. A tornado hit and destroyed everything! I felt as if I had jumped off of a building. My heart dropped into my stomach. There was nobody out front. I looked across the large field to the neighbor’s yard and they were outside catering to their barn that had some damage. I knew I should have walked over, but I couldn’t manage to move. It was like my feet grew roots. I had no clue what to do or where to go! There wasn’t any part of the structure standing. I collapsed on the ground and began to cry for what seemed like forever until I felt a hand on my back.

       I looked up and my neighbor was behind me. He was an older gentleman with a rough exterior, but he always seemed gentle at heart. As I looked up there was nothing but compassion in his eyes. He explained to me that he thought I must have been dead. His wife was inside preparing dinner, and he offered me to come over and get something in my stomach. Once I regained my composure I decided I should probably eat. Well after we ate we sat at their table. He explained to me how he knew of a policeman in town who owned a building nobody was using. Every time the policeman came across a homeless person he would offer them a warm place to stay in that building for a while. The policeman aimed to get the young people off the street and give them a chance at a half way decent life, but if he came across an older person he would offer the same to them.

       So after explaining the building to me he offered to give me a ride on his horse buggy to town so I could talk with the policeman. I didn’t know what to do. I knew I needed a plan, but didn’t want to be “homeless”. I decided the best place for me was probably that building. At least it would be warm and have meals. So after going back to the rubble that once was my loving home to gather a few things I was off to town.

        As I write this I am sitting on a bed next to a few other empty cots waiting to be laid in. A middle aged woman gave me a notebook, because apparently I looked sad. She told me that was how she handled her sadness. I have never written in a diary before, but perhaps it will be good for me. I feel tears streaming down my face as I write these words. I still haven’t figured out what I’m going to do. I don’t want to stay here, because it looks as if someone could catch anything on these beds. My grandparent’s home is gone, their belongings I saved is gone, and the essence I felt from them is now gone. I have nothing left of them but a grave. I have no friends or known family. Currently I am alone; loneliness never feels as bad until you realize everyone is seriously gone! What am I going to do? This building is full of cockroaches and mice. The beds are dirty, but they served food and it’s a place to lay my head. I just wish things would be different in my life. Well diary, my friend, I am going to rest now. I hope you enjoy my words, because I have yet to enjoy writing them.