Through Her Eyes

Entry Two

August 23rd

       I currently am sitting in a pile of what is now considered junk. My home use to be here and now I’m trying to save some clothing that lay beneath the piles of fallen wood and nails. So far I found a painting of my grandparents when they were young that wasn’t ripped or ruined by the rain, a few pieces of clothing, a blanket, and to my surprise the little lock box my grandmother gave me when I was a small girl. She gave me the metal box which had an old necklace inside. She told me that it was my great great grandmothers. She called it a family heirloom and I cherish it.

       Yesterday I spent the entire day inside the shelter. The middle aged woman asked me if I had written anything in the journal yet. I told her that I had, but said nothing else. She seems nice enough to talk to, but I would rather be alone. The few beds that were empty next to my own are now filled. There was one young woman about my age. She looked very lonely and I wanted to say hello to her. However, the feelings of the loss of my home overpowered any social feelings I got.

       When I was a child I would go off into the forest. In each forest I found that one special tree that called to me. I would make some type of tree house that only fit me just in case I wanted to leave. Often times I felt like a burden to my grandparents. But I loved those tree houses, and this dawned on me last night before I fell asleep. I came to a conclusion that if I was willing to live in a little makeshift tree home then, why couldn’t I find a place like that now? The smart thing to do would be stay at the shelter where there are people and food. However, my whole life I have felt alone. I feel like I raised myself and this should be no different. Why should I stay in a place that I don’t want to be just because it’s safe. I’ve taken worse chances before. I’d have to find a remote forest that is close enough to walk to places I can get food. Then I would have to find supplies to make this little shack. I could make it a home if the owners of the land never find me. Perhaps I could grow a garden? It would be filled with vegetables, and maybe some fruits.

       for company maybe I will find a stray dog or cat? I don’t think anybody else would want to come with me to be a wild woman of the forest. Either way I would have to trust them enough to make that commitment. I think it would be better to stick by myself for a while… Oh what am I thinking? All of this sounds like a fairy tale wish. I’m in a hopeless situation with no way out!

        Perhaps I should get back to the shelter?

       Night as now fallen and it took me a while to walk back to town. But these items I found were worth it. At least I have these few things to remember my old life. In the shelter a few of the people have gone and the beds next to mine are vacant. I haven’t seen that young woman today and her things are no longer near her bed. It seems like I am, so far, the only one who is here and I feel out of place. I’m sitting on the cot wondering about this plan of mine again. I need to figure out if and when I’m leaving. Tomorrow I’m going to venture into the forests around here. If I find anything I will set my place out there when I get the supplies I need. Perhaps I could leave this place all together. A lone woman heading out into the wilderness is dangerous, but if it will get me away from here perhaps I could take the chance. Am I delusional with this idea? I wish I knew.

       The young woman just walked in and sat on the cot next to mine. I think I may try for a conversation…