Through Her Eyes

Entry Three

August 24th

       I’m thinking about earlier on my walk. I went to some of the forests around the shelter and saw nothing good. So far the forests in this area aren’t very livable. I realized I would want to check for the richness of the soil for creating a garden in the warmer seasons. Without good soil and positioning nothing would ever grow. It has only been one day of looking, but nothing has shown. I wonder if my plan is as smart as I thought it was.

       If I made a place to stay in a forest everything would have to be perfect. I would need weapons of some sort to defend myself. Animals can be a bother if they are big enough, but it’s the human animal I worry about. I would also need tools to help make my little hut. This will be a time consuming job. I’m not sure if I can take staying here much longer. Earlier I left my bed with a few of my things on top for a few minutes while I used the bathroom. When I returned my blanket was gone. This was my grandparent’s blanket, and I was not going to let this happen. I searched this entire building up and down until I found the one who had it. The perpetrator was an older man who had it wrapped around him.

       I said “don’t you know that this is my blanket.”

       He replied, “Prove that this is your blanket.”

       Needless to say, I snatched the blanket and warned him to not come near my bed. What if it had been the metal box that held the necklace! I will not let people take advantage of me for any reason! I remember for a short time my grandparents had me stay with a couple they knew. The couple had a bunch of children, and my grandparents had to go out of the state for a funeral. They didn’t have the money to bring me so they thought I would have fun staying with this couple. This memory sticks out in the front of my mind a lot, because some of the things I had to go through there. It had been the darkest time of my life thus far.

       The middle aged couple was named Mr. and Mrs. Weatherly, and I was one of many children they had in that house. What little belongings my grandparents left for me were taken. This left me to find them. A lot of the times my things were hidden in my many tree houses I created in secrecy. However, there is one memory that is darker than the rest when it comes to those times. I was lying outside near their barn watching the stars. I must have fallen asleep, because when I woke up a man was above me. I couldn’t see his face at first. He came down on top of me. I felt his breath on my skin he lifted by dress, and the next to come off were my underwear. I cannot, to this day, speak the rest. Currently I can’t finish writing it. This is my diary though, and I don’t know why I can’t tell this story. I have never told anyone. Maybe this would be good for me to get out.

       I was raped! Simply put… However, this was not simple. My youth was taken from me that night. For God’s sake! I was only twelve! After he took my clothes off was when the rest happened. I felt a pain shoot through my body, and the rest is a dark blur. I can’t remember anything else. To this day I find it hard to get close to a man. I don’t like being a loner, but this is how it is.

       Anyway, I should think about something else for now. I’m starting to feel down, and when that happens the sadness comes like a lurking shadow. Tomorrow I’m going to explore some more forests for a spot to set up. If I don’t find anything I’ll probably be gathering my things and leaving. Perhaps I will be a wondering woman? Oh, I suppose it doesn’t matter. Life has a way of leading you regardless of your plans.

        I wish I had a friend though; someone to talk to besides these blank pages in this book. That woman from the other day who took the bed next to mine did speak yesterday. She said her name is Mandy and she is two months older than me. If circumstances weren’t how they are I could find myself becoming friends with her. She appears to be a good person, and someone I can relate to. If I see her before I fall to sleep I may say hello. Perhaps… I’m not sure, because why get close to anyone if all I am going to do is leave soon? Trust me; nothing will change my mind about leaving. Well, goodnight my dear diary. At least you won’t fail me.