I Am His

We were on the plane on our way to Ireland. I've never really left my little town making this more stressful and scary. Leaving Matt was something scary as well, but he left a serenity feeling now that I know he will seek out help with the money I provide him.

"You will love Ireland."

I turned to a smiling Niall. "How would you know?"

"I'm from Ireland and let me tell you it is a sight."

"Oh shut up Niall, we all know the UK is better, right Olivia," Louis teased Niall.

I shrugged at them, "I've never really seen anything other than my town so I wouldn't know."

"Ask her once we're done with the tour," Harry said clearly either exhausted or not into our conversation.

"Well my girl will end up loving Ireland," Niall smiled.

I turned to him not knowing how to feel about his pet name towards me.

"Your girl? She'll probably end up loving Paris or New York." Harry sounded sure about his statement. All the boys except Harry turned to me as if waiting for me to answer.

"Guess I'll know once tour is finished" I shrugged raising my eyebrows.

The flight wasn't long making us arrive to Ireland in a few hours.

At the airport we quickly made our way to the 'tour bus' as the boys said. I really didn't know how one would look like but what I imagined was far from it. The bus was like a house. Lou told me that I would be in the second bus with her and the rest of the crew, the boys would be in the main bus. I followed behind her towards our bus. There I met other people that had arrived earlier; I was with the band that I came to meet as Josh, Sandy, Jon and Dan. They would be my road partners as they mentioned.

They were all great to me making me feel a foreign feeling I was not used to anymore.

I was currently sitting next to Sandy watching some show I wasn't paying attention to. "So are you thrilled about seeing all the places we'll be in?"

"Yeah." I answered him quickly.

"Is something wrong?"

"No, do you know if I can find a phone here?" This time I looked at him, hoping that he might help me find a way to connect with Matt.

"You don't have a phone?"

I shook my head no.

He reached for his and handed I to me. "Here borrow mine."

I thanked him and took it. I dialed Matt in hopes that he'd answer. It rang four times before he picked up.

"Hello."

"Matt, it's me Olivia."

"Babe, hi, happy to hear you. Look I'm going to check out the therapy sessions I really need to go. When do you send me in some money?"

"Oh, I'm not sure. We haven't talked about that yet."

"Well talk to her Olivia, and call me once you know. Got to go."

He hanged up before I could even say anything else. I looked at the phone in my hand and then handed it back to Sandy. I stayed quiet the rest of the ride.

We finally made it into a hotel we would be staying and each of us went to our room. Being alone in a room disturbed me. I wasn't used to the quietness, living with Matt meant noise and right now the silence was deafening for me. I sat on the bed just thinking over everything.

By lunch Niall had promised to take me sightseeing, his words were that I had to see Ireland in order to fall in love with it. I agreed and finished my plate of food. I didn't make conversation on the table, I never really did with Matt, unless he expected an answer form me or allowed me to talk, which got me used to just paying attention to my food.

I've been used to Matt for so long that I even felt uncomfortable eating with so many people. I pictured Matt. I pictured him sitting in front of me. I pictured our house and our dinner room and for a while I felt like home. But being with Matt always has me on edge.

I heard a loud voice from the back of me which worked me up making me tip my glass over making my water fall on me and the table.

I started heaving; my chest was going up and down with such force.

I accidently dropped my glass making the wine splatter everywhere, including him. He abruptly stood up making me look up at him. He grabbed my ponytail and dragged me to our room. "You are just like a child Olivia! I swear you are a mess." I cried asking for forgiveness. He made me face the bed while he searched through a drawer. Without a warning I felt the belt hit my back with such force. I cried and begged for him to stop. Each time the belt made contact with my back I felt excruciating pain.

"I'm sorry," I was heaving. I could feel the room close around me just like it always did at home. I pictured Matt over me in a second. I closed my eyes waiting for a hit, fear crawled up when I felt a hand make contact with my arm, I froze, completely scared of what pain he would cause me today. Without looking at the person I started firing apologies. I always did that, and even though Matt hated me apologizing I always did hoping that he would hear them out and stop "I swear it won't happen again, I'm sorry, please don't-"

"Hey it's fine."

My eyes opened with so much shock. I looked up to see Liam there by my side. Feeling a hand on mine I adverted my gaze from his eyes to my hand seeing his.

"It happens, there is no need to cry and say sorry."

He sounded so nice and like he meant it. I looked around me to see everyone with a confused look on their face while looking at me, probably for the way I acted.

"Go get changed we'll clean it."

I stood up and apologized, this time for my behavior, and made my way to my room.

Matt controls my behavior, it is because of him that I act a certain way. He's shaped me into being scared, but I love him and I know he'll change and when he does he'll help me shape myself into feeling safe, for I am his.