What Now?

wed july 20,2016

Just hearing a guy say they like me is enough for me to think i have a chance to be happy i know how the game works its always the same

* they say they like me
* we talk more
* I start to 'like' them
* They leave bc i dont give them what they want

Ive been through this many times before this niqqa texted me we where friends fron school and we talked alot he was like my best friend but he decided to fuck it up by using me as the game he liked to play my dumbass believed him even tho i knew how it would end and my dumbass let him do it he asked me for nudes obviously i aint gonna send him shit at the end of the whole convo once he got tierd of me he said it was the drugs and the alcohol talking ...its not it never is its just a lame excuse to get him out of the hole he's created i call him by what he really is: a fuckboy and he goes nuts saying that im just a quick fuck to him he has more hoes and he shows me pictures of all of them and he tells me how worthless i seem how stupid i was how ugly i really am and its all true i let myself get into it every single time

I fall for them every time not knowing that the person that is actually ment for me is sitting there worried or listening to me talk about someone else today ive been played but minutes before that i was texting a guy that ive liked for a while now but i guess im just too confused to even know if im confusing my likeing towards someone to a friendship kind of like its always the same people hear me talk about a boy and then another time about another but at the end of the day i end up going back to the first guy bc the other guy fucked me over but this kid he's different i know it ive always had a soft spot for him even after i was crushing over someone else i guess i used them as a distraction bc i know that me likeing him is bad and i shouldn't we've flirted we've talked on the phone for hours we fought but we end up getting on good terms again. I keep telling myself i dont like him i know i do but i still fuck with other people bc i know it'll never happen he asked me if i liked him and i denyed it now i wish i could actually tell him and get some fucking balls but wtf do i know about likeing someone it always ends the same way anyways

The only part that actually holds me back is knowing he dated my cousin...