Joshler Book

Missing Him

oKay so hi I'm back and I'm better B) but seriously I guess I'm back from my writers block soo I guess updates to come off anon and floor five are comin soon kids so buckle up here's a depressing joshler one shot (:

((( THIS IS SO SHORT WHOOPSIES )))

joshs pov !! He's like talking to tyler idk it's weird

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I miss the days in the back of the van. I miss when just us two were subjected to countless lonely starry skied winding road hours on our way from one venue to the next. I miss our 1 am parking lot camp outs, and when your eyes and attention belonged to me.

I miss the very first night we realized what was in our hearts. You had been gazing at my lips more than usual as I told you another amusing story of my childhood antics. You weren't as focused, not clinging onto every word, not laughing at my exaggerated small reenactments. The point I recognized this odd behavior as lust was when your mouth began to fall slightly open, hanging slightly ajar. I stopped, bringing up my middle and index finger to rest below your chin, lifting it up to meet my eyes. God, your pupils were so dilated and it wasn't because of the darkly lit back of the van.

I miss that kiss. I miss how your eyes lit up in shock, then flickered to excitement but quickly melted shut as you leaned into me. I'm surprised my heart didn't fly out of my chest as you slowly but surely eased yourself onto my lap, almost sitting wedding style as the kiss progressed.

I miss what you said as you pulled away, your face red and your breaths heavy.

"How long have you wanted me?"

"Probably as long as you have."

I miss how every night after that one followed a similar pattern, minus the excitement of the first kiss. Nevertheless there was still the jump of a spark I swore I could see before my eyes every time our lips connected. I miss how complete we made each other feel.

I miss how one day in the parking lot you told me with a glint in your eyes to sit in the back area and wait until you came out with your ukulele, gently singing and blanketing me in security with your voice as it carried a blissful verse, ending with sincerity dangling off of your voice as you sang my favorite part to this day.

But I can't help
Falling in love
with you.

That was when you officially asked me to be yours.

I nearly painfully miss your kiss after you sang that, hastily putting your ukulele to the side and grabbing my hands as they molded into each other, interlocking with such practiced perfection. Fate had designed them to fit together.

I miss all of it so much.

Once the van days had closed to an end and we got signed, the same intimacy became hard to maintain, especially with the new addition of more views from the public eye.

I definitely do not miss the night where you sat me down in our tour bus and told me we had to break it off, your eyes dripping with heavily concentrated regret. Tears. You didn't want to do this at all and it killed me that you had been that moved, that persuaded to kill off this art of a relationship we had created.

But most of all..

I miss the look on your face, and how your lip quivered briefly as you told me to always remember that you still loved me.

And even now that I sit here writing this in our tour bus, your sleeping on the couch across from me, your mouth is adorably hanging slightly open, just like that night you were fixed on my lips in the van. 

My brain now excites itself with thoughts of you still thinking about those nights like I do. I'm smiling to myself as I think of you dreaming of us sharing kisses again.

But then my eyes shift to your right ring finger, and I look up at the ceiling. Why did I think like that, that can't be true. God I'm so stupid.

I just miss everything we used to be.