Calm (Black Butler/Kuroshitsuji Fanfiction)

Chapter 24

Eric's POV

Alan came home a week later.

He was happier, I could tell that much, but it was in a weird kind of sense. I don't really know how to describe it.

He's much more tired now, he's just not too good at sleeping. That's a lie, actually, he's great at falling asleep on the sofa in the middle of the day, just not so much at night. He smiles a lot more, too, and I feel like it's because he's got some kind of reasoning behind it- He normally does- I just don't know what it is.

It's kind of like everything's back to normal, now. At some point, we all just got used to Alan looking really ill and pale and skinny, and now that he's acting happier, it's almost like everything's okay now. I'm fine with it being like that for the next few months.

You can tell he's trying to pull himself together. He's eating, even if he knows it's only going to stay down for so long. He did try to settle into a normal sleep schedule for a few days, but gave up in the end. Alan's a determined person, but he knows when to stop trying.

To be fair, I'm not really too great at night, either. I've always woken up at weird times and not gone back to sleep for a few hours after. And, left with nothing to do at 2:30 in the morning, it seemed like the sensible thing to do would be to keep Alan company.

He was sitting outside, still fully dressed, wearing only socks on his feet. He was sipping at a cup of tea.

"Aren't you cold?" I asked, sitting next to him.

"Not really," He replied, "What are you doing up so early?"

"Can't sleep." I said simply. It was raining very slightly, but not enough for it to be unpleasant. It was still very dark outside, the only real light being from the light he'd left on in the kitchen.

He laughed quietly, taking another sip of his tea, "Join the club," He said casually, seemingly unbothered by it, "It's a nice night, though, isn't it?"

I took another look around me- sure, it was pretty, but I couldn't really tell what distinguished it from other nights. Most nights are dark and have stars, I couldn't see how this one was different, "If you say so," I shrugged, "Have you slept at all? Eaten?"

He shook his head, taking get another sip from his tea, his glasses steaming up briefly, "I might get some sleep later, if I'm lucky, but I don't think I'm going to try and eat again until tomorrow."

That's generally how you can characterise Alan nowadays- a very, very sick person trying their hardest to not appear sick. I considered lighting a cigarette for a moment, before remembering how much Alan hated me smoking around him. He seemed fairly calm and relaxed, I didn't want to ruin that, "You don't have to try and eat, you know," I suggested gently, "If-"

"Well, I want to," He said, smiling, "There's no sense in starving myself, is there?"

He held a strong argument, "I suppose," I said, vaguely absent, "I don't understand how you can be so positive about this."

"It's an active decision," He said nonchalantly, sipping at his tea, "This is as good as it's going to be for the next few months, I figured I should make the best of it before I can't eat at all."

I sighed, looking at him, "I don't understand how you can just decide you're going to be happy, and then just make it happen."

He looked down, "Don't give yourself time to be sad, that's all I can really offer."

"That's not healthy."

"I can be sad later on."

There was a long pause during which neither of us were willing to apologise for what we'd said. Alan eventually gave a loud sigh, looking back at me and smiling, "Do you want anything to eat?"