YOU KILLED ME

Entry #3: The End.

"I can't keep breaking up with you
You messed with my heart babe
Now it's black and blue
But love isn't fair
So I swear
That this time
This is the end

And I can't keep lying
Lying to myself
Oh I'm thinking you'll love me right
But you never will
It's too much to bear (too much to bear)
So I swear (this time I swear)
That this time
This is the end (I mean it baby)

Oh

Said I'm gonna leave
But I'll never leavin'
Now I know that I really don't need to have your fun
Now the party's done
And you beg on the floor
As I walk out the door
Boy we're through

Oh

All the tears I've cried
All the lonely nights
Boy I lost my mind
But now I'm sure (now I'm sure now I'm sure)

You can say all you want but love isn't here anymore

And I won't be missing, missing you
And no one can love you
The way I used to do
But love isn't fair (love isn't fair)
And I swear
That this time
This is the end
Oh

I promise baby

This is the end

You know it's the end

Oh, hey, yeah
This is the end."

[The End by: Little Mix]

After singing the song, I lay on my bed and feel the softness of my hospital bed.

I'm dying.

I'll be living this world full of pain.

Physically and emotionally, I can no longer live here.

With the help of a severe disease named Acute Myeloid Leukemia, a type of blood cancer.

Because of immaturity of my bone marrows called blast cells, I've got this disease. Since it is an "acute" type of disease, without any treatment, it can quickly be fatal and can spread quickly to the blood and to other parts of the body such as the following organs: Lymph Nodes, Liver, Spleen, Brain and Spinal Cord. Maybe I got it 'cause of being second smoker in the house. When your father and brother do smoke and you smell the trashy smoke of their cigarettes, yeah it sucks. But since I'm here dying and waiting for my angel to drop by and get me, I'll still be holding on.

Yes I'm in stage of treatment but can no longer be treated.

How the hell did happen to me? I was just a simple girl looking for my they so called prince charming in every tales and my so called king in any chess game.

But guess what? I failed to have a prince and now I've got a dying disease aggravated by depression, or simply being tired physically, mentally, socially and spiritually.

See? Everything is possible in just a glimpse of the eye.

Yesterday I was Eanna Marie V. Sandoval. Twenty years of age. Graduated in a prestigious school. Currently waiting for my exam to come. Preparing and busy in her life. Happy. Smiling in all my problems. Luckily eating more than 3 times a day. Having a happy life. Meet a lot of friends. Have a good family. Met the guy I love. Been hurt by him. Been gave up chasing him because he is in love with someone else and that someone else is my best friend. Well, I'm the bridge for the two and I got sick of seeing both of you. I lied to see both of them happy. I've became too kind. When I took my sudden silence, they never noticed it. So in the end I woke up now, I'm still Eanna Marie V. Sandoval. Having a simple change that is coming. And it's a sad fact that I'm dying. Well I don't know if it's a sad fact to them *laughs*.

D*mn. I was like an idiot writing in my best friends body. Where I put all my sadness this past few day. How I wish someone would dare to read it. Well, if they found it, nor care to see whats inside my notebook. Anyway, I would like to thank my mom, Claire for loving me the whole 20 years of my life. To my dad for saving money to get me in school, to my brother James who never failed to shout every morning and to Ken who broke me while I'm dying. Ah, I wish you and Anna would last. I'll pray for both of you. I'm not mad okay, it's sincere :) Maybe I was really destined to be loved by you 'cause I can stand forever and my life time will soon to end.

Just a last wish, be in my grave on my 21st birthday. Together with Anna, I know you'll both last.

Please tell my parents, James and Anna I love them. I really do even though sometimes they hurt me a lot. And of course, how can I forgot to say I LOVE YOU? I REALLY DO and WILL ALWAYS DO.
Take Care always guys and God Bless You :)

Pray for me. Please, at least once in a while don't forget me. I mean remember even in the last breath of yours.

Always in your hearts,

Eanna Marie Valderama Sandoval.

July 21, 2016.

Thursday, 12:20A.M