YOU KILLED ME

Epilogue

I'm holding her diary while sitting beside her grave.

"Hi Eanna. Happy 21st Birthday. I didn't mean to found your diary the last night of our mourning for you. Looks like you want to give it to me 'cause I'm the only one who saw it."

"And hey! You wrote my name in first page of it, so your mom gave it to me instead of reading it."

"Why did you entitled it YOU KILLED ME?"

"I'm I the reason? but.. oh well I'm sorry. Okay I'm really sorry for not opening my eyes for you. I really do."

"By the way, Anna is on her way going here. Yes, we're still together. Thank you Eanna. and I Love You too, as your dearest friend. 'Cause even though you aren't here and Anna also, I can't lie to a death person and to myself, I love Anna more than myself, and that's the thing I wanna say sorry to you."

"Anyway, there still have a one Last entry I didn't read, because I promise to read it in your grave yard. Are you ready Eanna? I wish Anna can go here as fast as she can but she told me she'll be a bit late due to some circumstances. That girl, I thought she's really on the way here, but still I love her. : )"

A sudden burst of air flows, it felts like she's here beside me. Listening to me.

"Eanna entry #4: No more Songs to hear I'm tired"

I can no longer write as good as before. See? even my hand writing changed and turns to a doctors penmanship. Do you still read it? I guess so.

If you're asking me of why did the title end to be like that it's because, I'm not really taking to you. I'm talking to myself which having a disease that killing me as fast as flash. That's the only reason. Lame but that's the truth. Take it or leave it, its already done and I'm already gone. Guess what? Maybe I'm happy now in Heaven or Hell when you read it. But the real fact is, I'm already dead.

What will I write more?

Ahh, the way how hard my chemo therapy? How painful the bone marrow process is? or how hard did I go before I die?

I'll tell you, I wish I wasn't hospitalized and just wait in our house to die.

But somehow I want to hold on for my mom, and also for daddy and James so I took the process of chemo. But it kills me every time and every session of it. It also make me wish to die as soon as possible in order to not feel pain. But I was doomed, I'm dying yet I still feel pain, inside and outside my body.

Before I close my eyes tonight, I feel that someone is calling me. So I hug my mom as tight as I can. I told them I love them really much. I even saw James cried so hard and told me, "Aren't you gonna open your eyes tomorrow? You sounds like saying goodbye." He even hugged me tight and told me not to leave them. Then afterwards my dad did same thing. Funny, I cried on my last night. The only night I feel pity for myself, that I couldn't assure if I can still open my eyes for them for the next day. That I couldn't tell to my little brother that I'm not gonna go back and it's our last good byes. I couldn't even tell good bye to them. Funny right? It breaks my heart to death.

Then the last thing I do before I literally close my lifetime door here, is to watch them peacefully sleeping beside me.

James. Mom, Dad and me in one room. It was 17 years ago when we all occupied a single room together. But now, we occupied it because I'll be leaving them.

To Mom:

I'm so blessed and lucky to have you. I love you. I really, really do and thank you for all. Please, take time to move on and let you baby princess fly in sky :) I'll be missing you forever.

To Dad:

Please stop smoking. Tell James too. He's too young to smoke and you are too old too. Be gentle and love mom and James always. Do not miss me okay? You're princess is happily leaving. I Love You :*

To James:

Grow up 'lil bro and stop smoking. You're sister loves you more than you ever know. I'll be missing your everyday shout. I Love You. Take Care of Mom and Dad, okay? and behave. :)

To Anna:

Be happy always :) I loved you boyfriend so much. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. It might be a world war III. :D God Bless! I'll be missing your lifetime without me. Forever best friend :)

To Ken:

So you really came in my grave yard tonight huh? Aren't you afraid you'll gonna see me? :D Oh kidding aside, I wish you really came to my grave yard on my 21st birthday. I also wish you found my diary and read it! Haha! Well I find ways to give it to you :)

Thank you for letting me feel the word love into opposite sex in form of you. I wish I tell you this personally, but still I say it here, I Love You :) Please take care of Anna. That's my only wish in my birthday. Ah! Please care to see my parents and James once in a while. Tell them to be happy :) and move on. It is really hard for them that I'm gone? I wish not really so they can be happy. Oh. I'm too tired now and I can feel that sleep is carrying me to my soft hospital bed. Goodnight. I will miss all of you. Thanks for the everything. :) Stay strong and smile always. Thank you my best friend.

Smiling in the clouds watching you.

Eanna Marie Valderama Sandoval.

July 21, 2016

Thursday

1:41 A.M.

I close her diary and put it on her gave. I took those messages for her parents and James and also to me and Anna before I stand and said good bye to her.

"Thank you for loving me, best friend. "

And I walk slowly leaving her grave with her diary on it and fresh flowers.

"I Hope you're really happy whenever you are. "

Maybe as an answer coming from her is the cold wind that hug me for almost a minute and all of a sudden was gone.

"I'll be leaving Eanna."

I said and look at her diary.

"YOU KILLED ME" (acute myeloid leukemia)

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*The End*

a/n: Sabaw na kwento :3 Hindi ko kasi madagdagan ang LOST >_<