Forehead Kisses (ONGOING)

Part Seventeen

     I woke up the next morning. The letter was on top of my table and I remembered what mom wrote in it. It sent a pang to my mind just recalling what she just said. I cried myself to sleep last night. I cried because Joshua was in it... and dad... and how they should've still be alive. How Victoria should've been married by now. How I should've been madly in love with Scott.

     It hurts because none of it was true. It hurts because it should've been like that. It hurts... because I couldn't blame her... because she was gone before all of this happened.

     I'm sorry, mom. I'm sorry it all got to this.

     I cried for a while before I got up and walked through the hallway which was always filled with old pictures. Old memories. Like when I was five and Victoria was beside me, smiling. And dad was carrying Joshua, bridal style and they were both laughing. Another one showed mom and her big belly. Dad, Victoria and Joshua all gathered around her. A caption below said: Complete Family with a smiley face at the end.

     Complete Family...

     A tear ran down my face as I gazed at those words. What does it feel like? What would it feel like? To have a complete family? When, in the first place, I never got to be with my mom as I venture this thing they call "life". It's a big deal to me since I get to see my classmates be with their moms.  And now I lost my dad and just end up lighting candles on their graves. Mother's Day. Father's Day. They're nothing to me now. Christmas. New Year. Independence Day. I can't find the strength to celebrate it. Thanksgiving? What's worth thanking for? My birthday. I always try remembering it as the day of my birth. Not as the day my mother died. The second I came out of her belly and draw my first breath was the same second she lost hers. And it hurts. It hurts because that's what I think about every time.

     I found Victoria at the bottom of the staircase, looking up at me as I wipe the last tear off my face. She saw me. "Up," she said and pointed at the stair lift that Uncle Jack recently installed. I went down and transferred her to the seat, flipped the switch and up she went. I followed, carrying her wheelchair. We went to my room. She wanted me to read the letter mom wrote. I refused but she became stubborn. Even in sickness, she still is. So I did. I let every tear stream down my face as she listened even if I know she won't understand some phrases. She watched me cry in my bed as I finished. I saw her shed a tear and I hugged her. "I love you, Vicky." I said. "Please don't leave me. Please." I was running out of air and my hands were trembling. She managed to hug me back. "I'm here, Lizzy." she replied.

     After calming down, Todd appeared at my doorstep. "There you are!" he exclaimed, stepping a foot in my room. "Don't" I pointed at his feet. "...you dare come any closer." I warned. He flung his arms up to a surrender followed by a "Okay. Okay."

     "I just came to tell you that breakfast is ready. Geez," he continued. I pursed my lips but then pushed Victoria's wheelchair out my room and to the stairs. Todd carried her, bridal style as well. I thought he was going to transfer Victoria to the seat but instead, he started carrying her downstairs. 

     "I always dreamed of doing this," he looked at my sister and kissed her in the forehead. I say Victoria giggle. "I love you," she mouthed to him. "I love you too, my angel," he said, flashing his brilliant smile at her.

     It's romantic. Really cute but I suddenly felt so bitter.

     "Thanks for carrying my sister and making me the third party, dear future brother-in-law." I sort of scowled.

     "You're not being a third party, Lizzy. You could carry Victoria's wheelchair." He stopped in the middle of the staircase. Victoria smiled at me.

      I carried the wheelchair and kissed one of its handles. "I never dreamed of doing this," I said in a rather fake but sweet way. My eyes focused on the chair as if it was a human being. We all end up laughing in the end.