Kingmaker

Beautiful Mistake #1

Ava silently leaned over the edge of her son's cot. Watching as he slept. In her hand, she gripped another letter from York. This time, a letter from her family. She daresn't read it again as she gazed at her son. It had been several days since the incident with Lord Petyr. In the past few days, she'd spoken more to Sir Richard about how she was feeling. Saying she was more scared than she felt she should be in her position. Saying she was afraid of letting people down and saying or doing something she shouldn't. Saying she feared losing even more men in her army and not be able to 'replace' them. Humans couldn't be replaced. Each man was an individual. And she feared losing those individuals. She'd spoken of how she felt to strike a man with a sword. And how she felt when it came to walking the battlefield. It had been an eye opener, really. Sir Richard hadn't expected her to speak to him on such matters. Of course he wanted her to talk to him more on things like this. But he hadn't expected her to just start talking about it one day.
The letter from her family hadn't been aggressive, or hateful; or insulting. Or at least, it hadn't read that way to Ava. Either that or she hadn't read it properly. But a she gazed down at her son, she sighed. Fighting back tears. "You are the last thing in this world that I will ever regret. And I regret a lot. You're my son, and it's my duty as a mother to protect you. But I don't know how long I will be able to do that" she murmured, gently stroking his cheek with her thumb as he slept. At that moment, Sir Richard walked behind her. Gently wrapping his arms around her waist as he rested his head against her shoulder gently. "Everything alright?" he murmured softly, shifting slightly when she turned in his arms so that she could wrap her own around his torso.
"Just thinking again. Was it wrong of us to bring a child into a war-torn family? It's so dangerous. Was it selfish of me to want another child after losing Llane? It feels so selfish and wrong now.  But I love Garret so much. He's our little boy and I don't know what I would do without him here with us. But was it wrong of me to bring him into such a hostile environment?" she murmured against his chest.  "We brought him into this world together. He's not a mistake, Ava. It wasn't wrong of you to want another baby" the knight held his wife close. Seeing the vulnerable side of her once more. York applied pressure on and off every couple of days. It was tiring for everyone, and the more tired everyone became. The more their thoughts ate away at them. "Do you believe he was a mistake?" he murmured after some time. Not letting go of Ava as he spoke.

"A beautiful one. But he isn't really a mistake. Maybe I just didn't think about it as much as I should have. I wanted to fill the void, and in my selfishness. I didn't think about what bringing another child into this would do... Do you think he would be safer in the Abbey? It's concecrated ground, no soldier would dare set foot there with malicious intent. Would Garret be safer with the brothers? I could have soldiers stay with him. And a nurse. Only a few. But they could protect him better than we can. We're wanted, Richard. They don't want our son. They want us. Would he be safer with them?"
Only now did Ava lift her head to look in her husbands' eyes. Tears filling her own as she spoke of her son and his safety. She looked desperate to find a safeplace for Garret. She knew that herself and Richard were wanted. Not her son. But them, and them alone. Sir Richard gazed at her silently for a moment, keeping his arms locked around her as he thought. Moving one hand to her cheek, wiping away the tears with his thumb. "There is no gurantee he would be safe there, Ava. There is an option we have. But I fear it is one you will not like. We can send him away to his uncle in France" By the look on Ava's face, he already knew that she wasn't liking that idea. "But France is so far. And he's so young. What if something happens to him there? I can't let my boy go so far away" She was torn. Torn between the safety of her son, and the distance she was willing to put between him and herself. "I want him to be safe. But I don't want him to be so far away that I cannot see him. This is all my fault. I brought a baby into a world where he isn't safe no matter what we do. I'm a terrible mother" whimpered Ava as tears rolled down her cheeks once more.
Sir Richard once more pulled her to his chest, holding her there gently. "You're not a terrible mother, Ava. Please don't ever think that you are. I see how you smile with Garret. How you play with him and he smiles and laughs. I saw you with the children in Willow Lane. How they smiled and how you smiled in return. I heard of how you sang to sick children and helped care for them and their families. You are not a terrible mother, Ava. Many children out there would love mothers like you. Garret is a lucky boy. And I am a lucky man to have you at my side through everything that we have to endure. Together, we brought Garret into this world. Together, we will protect our son, Ava. We brought him into this world because we were ready to do so. We will tackle things as they come. But please"
He pushed his nose to her neck gently now. Hugging her close as he spoke.
"Don't ever say you're a terrible mother"

[Authors Note: I actually teared up at the end there. Gosh, I'm emotional. But come on. Sir Richard is amazing and he speaks to Ava in a manner that I cannot explain. I can picture this scene in my head, and it makes me smile so much. I adore these two as a couple, and I'm so happy that they're married and have a son. It's just so.... I don't know how to explain it. But I love these two. And Sir Richard is perfect for Ava. And Ava is perfect for him]