Careless Love

Visitors & messages

Facebook is nothing special, really. It is just a bunch of people coming together to chat, to play games and to tell their friends and family about their boring life. I hardly ever posted anything on the website, although I was online all of the time. I spend most of my time on the internet, where I always had a window open where I was logged into Facebook. I played a few games, posted some pictures and sometimes I would chat with my cousins. People did not often start a conversation with me and I almost never started a conversation with somebody. I want people to start the conversation if they wish to talk to me, and that is why I almost never start a conversation with somebody: because I don't wish to talk to them. I had a lot of friends but I never really talked to them online.

Andrew Sandberg send you a message

My chest felt tight and I could feel an overwhelming fluttering pain. I felt dizzy and I could feel my heart beat faster and faster, but I loved it. I loved the first seconds of having butterflies in my stomach, but they quickly disappeared when I got angry with myself for feeling this just because a boy send me a message. But nobody sends me a message. Especially not Drew Sandberg, so why would he do it? Maybe somebody was faceraping him, who knows?

I clicked on the window where it said 'Drew Sandberg send you a message', looked down on the screen and saw the message he had sent me.

Hi

I wanted to reply as fast as I can, so that was what I did. I kept wondered what he wanted from me. He most likely wouldn't just randomly start a conversation with me without wanting something from me.

Andrew Sandberg: you like The Walking Dead, right?

Jessica Cole: Yeah

Andrew Sandberg: i know a website where you can watch the new season for free

Jessica Cole: Please don't tell me you're joking

Andrew Sandberg: i'm not joking

Jessica Cole: Promise?

Andrew Sandberg: promise

Jessica Cole: ... Okay. I believe in you. So, gimme the website! *-*

Andrew Sandberg: [link]

Jessica Cole: Thank you so much!!

He was being nice. He was actually just being nice and he didn't want me to give him anything or do anything for me. He gave me a link where I could the new season of one of my favourite shows, and they website was even virus free. It felt odd, to be honest. Why was he all of sudden so nice to me?

Maybe because he is a nice person and he has never been a douchebag.

After waiting a few episodes, I decided to do something new, something fresh. I grabbed my notebook where I often wrote stories in my head, took a pen and began writing. I wrote about one topic and I wrote everything I could write about that topic. The good things about him, the bad things about him, what I felt when looking at him, trying to explain why I felt butterflies in my stomach after receiving a message from him. It was like a diary where I every day was supposed to write my feelings and thoughts about Drew down, just so I could find out whether I actually was in love with him or not. Maybe it was just a crush. I was not in love.

But it could not be a crush either because I just couldn't have a crush on him nor be in love with him. It was impossible to have those feelings towards a guy like him. He was not the type of guy I wanted to be my boyfriend and I knew he did not feel the same way about me, so why even bother having other than friendly feelings for him? It was like baking a cake, knowing you never could eat it. I threw the notebook and the pen away and stared on my computer screen. I had nothing to do. I had nothing special or important to think about. A friend had posted something new on Facebook so I decided to check it out. It was a post with a link to a website where you could download a program that would track down the people who visited your Facebook page.

Is it virus free? It iiiissss.

”Thank you ...” I began mumbling and looked on the name who had posted the link, ”Tanisha Smith.” I downloaded the program and waited for the moment where I could track down my fans. Knowing that her friends (her friends were my friends too) could see that post too made me feel a bit paranoid. Now everybody could track down they people who visited their page, and who would want to be exposed in that way? Absolutely nobody, that's right. When the program was ready for me to use, I typed in my name and then things started getting exciting.

Number one visitor: Sophie Alexson

Number two visitor: Michael Cole (why the fuck would my dad stalk me on Facebook? Did he not trust me at all? I was sixteen years old, goddamnit!)

Number three visitor: Heath Lauper

Number four visitor: Lilly Cole

Number five visitor: Minnie Cole

Sophie and I were obviously stalking each others profiles. Faceraping each other and then taking screenshots of it, laughing at each others photos and stalking each others friends. It made very much sense that she was number one. My number two visitor was my dad. My dad. I guess he just didn't trust me enough to leave me alone on a website as safe as Facebook. Ha - Facebook has never been a safe website, but at least I'm not stupid enough to chat with child molesters and posting nude photos of myself. My number three visitor surprised me a bit; Heath being number three on the list was surprising because I actually didn't stalk him that much.

Maybe he had a little crush on me? No. Not possible, not possible at all. Number four and five visitors was two of my cousins. Lilly and Minnie were just around my age and I loved talking to them in real life and online. They didn't mock me at all and they believed me when I said I was not in love with Drew - the guy they had no idea who was.

Other visitors: Tanisha Smith, Andrew Sandberg .... Drew Sandberg? Drew fucking Sandberg. Christ, he didn't even care enough about me to stalk my precious little page! What a douchebag. Not that I stalked him at all. Okay, maybe I was the real douchebag here. I didn't care enough to read the rest of the names, so I closed the program and my computer, whereafter I ran down the stairs to get myself a snack.