Built

November 15th, 1998

I was sitting in the couch watching cartoons when Ben came home late again. He didn't seem happy anymore. He seemed sad. I didn't like seeing him sad, I loved him. It made me sad to see him like that. He and Mommy were arguing.
"Benjamin, you have got to stop doing this," she pleaded with him.
"What? Why?" He asked. "It's not that big of a deal, Mom, I'm okay."
"No, you're not okay," she said, her voice breaking. "I'm concerned and worried about you. I can smell the alcohol on you, Ben, what have you been doing out there?" She whispered the last part.
"It's none of your business, Mom," he said as his voice rose. Mommy stepped back a little. He was so much bigger than her now. "I'm graduated, I'm about to move out. And I'll live my life how I want to."
"Ben, baby, please," she said softly. "I'm afraid-"
"Afraid of what?" He shouted at her. He was angry, too. I turned the volume up on the TV. "That I'll end up like Dad?" Mommy started crying. "I'm not that selfish, Mom, I won't leave like that! I'm not that dumb, either, just to abandon you guys!" Ben was crying now too.
"Your father was not dumb or selfish, Benjamin, you know that!" She screamed at him. "He just wasn't happy."
"Oh yeah, totally," he scoffed. He went out on the back porch and started to smoke a cigarette. Mommy hated when he did that.
"Where does he...?" Mommy stopped talking. She sighed and came over to me on the couch. "I'm sorry you had to listen to that, Dakota."
"It's okay, Mommy," I didn't look at her.
"Benny's just been very angry since Daddy left. He'll get better, I promise."
"He isn't angry, Mommy," I said.
"What?" Ben came back in at that moment.
"You're right, Mom," he said harshly. "Dad ain't selfish or dumb." He started walking towards his room. "He's a narcissistic idiot." He slammed his door shut. I finally looked at Mommy.
"He's just sad."