I wake up feeling heavy than the usual. Madilim ang paligid at parang may hindi tama. I can feel my heart clenched inside my chest as i gaze around my room.
Wala namang bago at kakaiba kundi ang hindi maipaliwanag na kaba.
Lumabas ako ng kwarto ko at naabutan ang magulong sala. Natutop ko ang bibig ko sa gulong nakita. Everything's a mess. From my frames to the paper works in the center table. Lahat ay nakakalat na hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit. Iniwan ko naman itong maayos kanina.
I walk my way to the kitchen and shock is an understatement as i see Misag kissing another girl.
My tears cascade as my heart clenched in pain. I can see how he kiss and look at the woman like he means the world to me. Tingin na kahit minsan ay hindi nya ibinigay sakin. Sure, he look at me with adoration in his eyes, like im the most beautiful woman he ever laid his eyes on. But those adoring stares flickered with lust and desire too. Something which is'nt pure.
"Misag.." my voice was inaudible but i succeed to get his attention.
He look at me. His face is void with any emotion.
Then the girl slowly face me. To my surprise, i was like standing in a mirror, looking at my own reflection. She looks like me..
"Sari wake up.." i wake up in a soft tap on my cheeks. Agad na niyakap ko si Misag ng makita ko ito. Niyakap nya ako pabalik and i was in relief "you were dreaming Cuddler. Shh.." he caress my back as he try his best to make me calm.
Basang basa ang muka ko sa luha. Akala ko talaga ay may ibang babae na syang mahal.
"Gucci, Prada, Chanel, Armani, Givenchy" he chant my mantra. And the next thing i knew, we're both laughing. "I just hear you chant those when you were trying to make yourself calm" he smile softly at me. Then he kiss my nose.
"You okay?" Tanong nya matapos akong painumin ng tubig. Tumango ako at itinulak na sya papasok sa banyo. Misag has a family dinner to attend to pero pinili kong hindi sumama. Hindi pa ako ayos sa pamilya nya and i dont want to spoil their dinner.
He dont want to attend the dinner to be with me because he's worried. Para panaginip lang ay ganito na sya mag alala. Kinikilig ako sa inaasta nya. Pero nagdesisyon akong magpahatid na lang din sa bahay bago sya pumunta sa dinner nila. Isa pa ay may pasok na ulit bukas at wala akong damit sa unit nya.
He enter the bathroom and take his bath when her phone rang. He got a new message. I look at his phone's screen just to see the name of woman.
"Sari" i read the name written in there. Nangunot ang noo ko dahil hindi naman ako nagtext sa kanya kaya paanong may darating na message mula sakin?
Sa labis na pagtataka ko ay hindi na ako nagdalawang isip na buksan ang mensahe.
"This really means a lot to me Misag" the message says.
Nakompirma kong iba talagang babae ang nagtext niyon. Pero paano nya naman maipagkakamali ang pangalan ko sa number ng iba.
I scroll the message and read it one by one. Parang sasabog ang dibdib ko sa palitan nila ng text.
"It's been a while. Imissyou too" Misag's message says.
Second by second and my eyes went blurry. Nababasa na din ang telepono ni Misag kaya napagtanto kong umiiyak na pala ako. Sinong Sari ba 'to?
Ang akala ko ay wala ng ikasasakit pa ang puso ko. But his unsent message hurts the most.
"I know it's wrong. But im still inlove with you S"
The sound of the shower stops. So i bring his phone back where it's place.
"Sarina, are you really okay?" Kunot noong tanong ni Iya. I know my eyes are swollen at wala ako sa sarili. Iya joine me for tonight. Nakapagtataka man kung bakit hindi sya sumama sa family gathering nila ay hindi na ako nagtanong. I need her here too.
"Misag is hidding something from me" nangilid ang luha ko pagkasabi kay Iya noon. She look bothered and it seems like she dont know what to do to comfort me.
Sa kanya ko unang sinabi ng maging kami ni Misag at masayang masaya sya. She even notice na nabawasan daw ang pagsusungit ni Misag mula ng maging kami which is quite true. Hindi ko naman akalain na sa kanya ko din unang sasabihin ang problema namin.
"There's this girl, her name's Sari.." i can barely breath as i tell those things to her. Ang alam ko lang gusto kong iiyak lahat ng sama ng loob ko.
"O, God.." Iya whisper. Mukang may alam sya base na rin sa reaksyon nya. I hold her hand and look at her intently. Alam kong sa tingin ko pa lang ay alam na nya ang ibig kong sabihin. I want to know what she knows. Who's that Sari for Misag? Is that why he call me Sari instead of calling me by my name?
"I dont think it's still importnant Sarina.." he let out heavy sighs. "Serafina Salvador or Sari is Misag's only ex-girlfriend. His first love, but they broke up. Misag's been miserable that time. Ang alam ko, umalis si Sari para mangibang bansa. They keep their relationship via LDR. Pero nainlove si Sari sa iba. Nagbreak sila. 'Yun lang ang alam ko"
"He's still inlove with her-"
"I dont think so Sarina" putol nya sa sinasabi ko "sa lahat ng pinsan ko si Misag ang pinakamalapit sakin. He's not an asshole. I know him more than anyone else does. Hindi sya papasok sa relasyon kung hindi ka nya mahal"
I shook my head. Si Iya na rin ang nagsabi, Misag is not an asshole. Paano kung pumayag na lang syang maging girlfriend ako dahil may nangyari na samin? He got my virginity and maybe he feel guilty and responsible for it. Kaya ng sabihin ko na boyfriend ko sya ay pumayag na lang sya? Ako naman ang nagpasimuno ng relasyon na to e.
Natatakot ako. And i hate this feeling because im not secured. Im not secured is Misag love me. If he invest the same feeling as much as i invested in him. Naibigay ko na lahat at hindi ko na alam kung anong mangyayari sakin sa oras na iwan nya ako.
Maybe this is why they call it falling inlove. It's a sweet fall that hurts like fvck when you hit the ground because he wasnt able to catch you when you fall.
