My Letter To Everyone

My Letter To Everyone (part 2)

In October, I started reminding myself what the last year had been like, remembering how people rejected me and to be honest it scared the hell out of me, I didn't want to go through all that pain again so I distanced myself from everyone, I built up walls around my heart, actually my whole self and when I realized that it was the worst idea I ever had, it was already too late to go back. I told some of the girls in class I wasn't feeling okay and they told me I should get a therapist. I shared this idea with my mom but all she did was make fun of me in front of our guests and say that my problems weren't important enough. And so I sunk. My friend and I fought, a lot; long messages at midnight, days without talking, memories forgotten.

I went down again in the world of fake smiles and sad quotes, but this time I went deeper and deeper until I almost reached the bottom of the pit. I confided in one of my teachers who was all ears, all the time. She helped me... kind of. She talked to me and it was great but I wish it could've been someone I was closer to or someone in my class. When I came to my worse moment, I called a girl in another class but it didn't help, talking to her didn't relieve any pain, I then sent an email to the teacher, again it didn't help. The teacher proposed that I should try and talk to my friend (the one I was closest to, once). I sent her a message explaining what was going on and the next morning I cried in her arms, but still nothing. Nothing, nor no one could relieve the pain and suffering, no one could fill in the wholes scattered on my heart.

After that, we got closer again but in the time I had left she already had found someone to replace me so I decided to go see the only two "friends" I had left. The two were very close and had their own little circle so it was hard to be with them. Like they say: "It's worse to be a third-wheel for best friends than a third-wheel for a couple." So again, I slumped back into the world of fake smiles, long sleeves and empty promises. Since then, I haven't really been happy, my smiles have been mostly fake, I've only been with the people I am with because I don't want to be alone and I'm doing everything I can to be who they want me to be and well, apparently it's working.

I am not confident and I am utterly insecure with who I am. I hate myself, I don't like how I look, I don't like how I sound, I don't like the way I play the piano or the guitar, but no one sees it because I'm very good at hiding it and no one's ever really wanted to know what was truly going on in my head.

Since I came here, I haven't been myself more than an hour and I feel that the only ones that understand me are the friends I imagine having, the ones I talk to when I'm alone in my room, the ones I write to in my diary, the ones that confort me when I'm crying myself to sleep, the ones that bandage my self inflicted wounds and it is just exhausting and I'm tired of faking everything, tired of hiding who I really am, tired of having no one to talk to, tired of living.

Skye

______________________________________________

Hey guys, I hope it wasn't to depressing to read. Anyway, make sure to check out my other story "The 10". Feel free to vote and comment.

Love you all