Pieces

Heart

Chapter Four

Heart

On those gloomy days where the clouds shadowed over my head and drenched me in all my faults, I became distant and lost as I was unable to feel compassion towards you and instead closed you off leaving you to drown in the rain. I was unsteady and wandering as I plauged myself with the careless idea of you never being able to love me.

A person like you should never belong in the company of someone whose as impractical and futile as I am. You should be in the company of someone who has meaning and an open heart, because your thoughtful heart who I desired to be in place of mine does not need to have it's continuous beats synchronized with mine.

In spite of it all we should have been nothing more then a forgotten encounter on that shady day in the dandelion field, we shouldn't have been obligated to meet again.

I wished you never asked to see me and I wished I hadn't replied.

I was broken and unmendable as tears started to form in my eyes and I unsure over what they were for, but as I welted in the corner I abused you with unforgivable words, words which should never be said again. I was clouded with a string of things and couldn't fathom if I was to end myself or continue on.

You witnessed me in a vulnerable state and slowly knelt down to comfort me but I lashed out and pushed you away, throwing everything around me at you. I saw the smallest of tears fall from your eyes and you tried once more to comfort me and as you did so, we fought until you held me close to your chest and presented me with abundance of security and endearment.

I had given up and hiccuped every so often as you started to shush to compose me then ran your fingers alongside my spine. The area was still and serene, but you stopped and brought me up to eye level.

''That day in the field, I asked to see you again because I knew something would come of it, I knew we could we something and here we are now.'' You said in a devoted tone then ran your tongue on the inside of your bottom lip. ''Just never forget that alright, no matter what we go through.'' You placed your hand against my chest and felt my heart palpitating back and forth as I sat there with puffy eyes and quivered mouth.

''I just feel so weak Louis.'' I mutter towards you and nudged your hand away.

''Listen Harry, we all feel weak at times, some have it more then others, but that doesn't mean you have to go at it alone, I wish you would understand that.'' You explained to me and scratched at the back of your neck.

''But I have a sad excuse for a heart, I don't deserve the same things as you, how can you love someone like that?'' I asked you over and over again until I stuttered over the words and stopped.

I saw you pierce your lips in discontent and quickly grab at my hand before placing it onto your chest and speak quietly. ''At a point in life, we all face that denial of never being good enough, that instead we deserve to be alone, but although we face these demons that haunt us, we eventually overcome it and realize that we are humans and we need love to survive.''

I bit the inside of my cheek and tasted blood as I replayed every word you said to me, not daring leaving anything out. ''Do you love me Louis?'' I asked in a shaky tone and peered down at my legs allowing my hair to block you from my view.

''You should know the answer to that.'' You bluntly told me through tears and pushed yourself up and left. ''You shouldn't have to ask me that Harry, you should understand if I didn't love you, I would have already left after you threw things at me.'' You said. ''I stayed through all that trouble because I have an unexplainable love for you.''

''I gave you a second chance.'' You said as you locked your fingers together and placed them behind your neck as you headed down the hallway.

''I'm sorry Louis.'' I whispered under my breath and fell down onto the floor, staring at the ceiling and following the fan. As indifference as this situation is perceived to be, I was implied that you loved me more then I could love myself and that contrived me as being a worthless coward.