Musings of a 16-year old

Chapter 1: Awakening

1st Entry: Awakening

Diary, it's been a decade since I wrote to you. I became taller, became wider, and I became more intelligent. I never believed that my life could have that many adventures. Of course Diary, you will be a little lost, so I want to tell you about how my life was for the past 10 years.

The following year I stopped writing to you, I went to school for the first time. It seemed like a fun place, with people to meet, friends to have and food to eat.

P.S: So much food...

But I didn't know that this seemingly heavenly place could store so much hell for me.

"Fatso, how's your day?"

"Smart-ass, what homework is there?"

"Nerd, where's your book? Is it hidden under your fats?"

I got bullied.

I didn't know how wrong it was to be yourself, a pudgy little kid. I didn't know how reading books could be picked on by the more popular kids.

I tried to laugh it off, pretend that those comments were invisible, but I still was bullied.

My only solace was the robotics room in my school, where I was not abused by "classmates" and I could focus on what I loved.

I already had a fascination of robotics before I entered school, but as I became more isolated and introverted, the love of robotics grew. I always thought it was due to the fact that a machine could never insult you in any way, and I didn't need to engage in conversation with a robot.

As many people have tried, I did try to stop the bullying. I talked to my parents, talked to my teachers, and they tried to stop it. All they did was make it worse.

"Coward, no balls talk to us go find your mummy and daddy."

"What a teacher's pet."

"A spoilt brat spilling the beans to the teacher."

Diary, if you ever went to school and got bullied, keep it to yourself. Don't tell anyone. My situation just exacerbated, and it became worse and worse. In the end, I created a facade. I became energetic, loud, extroverted. The bullying stopped.

They thought I became the average kid, the guy who would keep quiet but wasn't a nerd. A person with friends that did not care about studies. Thing was, that was just a costume I wore. I wore it to stop myself from getting hurt further, and it worked. However, I made a mistake.

I forgot who I was.

To this very day, I still really don't know who I am, or who I should be. I got so used to wearing that costume to school that I forgot to remove it at home. My parents saw me turning from a introverted kid to a kid who was extroverted. They didn't suspect anything.

That's because they didn't see the tears that filled my bed everyday, wondering who I was.

Everything changed when I saw her.