Our Forty Days ; Gray

➳ Gray

I need to hurry.

I'm already late.

I'm an idiot.

Shit.

She's probably left by now.

I ran through the puddles; the only proof of the huge thunderstorm that occurred just moments ago.

Water splashed up to my ankles, but at this point, I just couldn't care. The sun was barely just starting to appear from behind the dark clouds.

Fading; darkness.

Golden beams let down from the sky.

And in the streets, a single man ran towards home.

___

The door flew open with a bang.

"Juvia!" My eyes went wild, scanning the room for the the familiar blue hair. I found her sitting at the kitchen table, her hair creating a curtain, hiding away her face and her expression.

I fell silent, my eyes moving to the cake sitting upon the glossy table, a set and pair of china already placed upon the lonely wood.

Quickly, I took off my shoes. The soft sound of my footsteps were the only thing that offered to give away my presence.

Juvia didn't move from where she sat, waiting. She looked like a picture, perfectly still. Yet, she offered an acceptance of an apology. "It's alright, Gray-sama."

She lifted her head up to meet my eyes, a brilliant, dark shade of midnight blue met with mine. Her eyes were clear, showing no signs of tears.

The one I wanted to be faithful to, only smiled tiredly. "Juvia knew you would hurry and try your best to get here. So don't worry-"

Her words cut short like knives when the tears came. My girlfriend could only watch as I, someone who she should've abandoned long ago, hung my head in shame, fat tears rolling down my cheeks.

Because even now, as I wanted to tell her how much I loved her, she was still lingering in the deepest depths of my mind.

I couldn't do anything to get rid of her presence, now. One couldn't help but wonder, what did I ever do to deserve this feeling?

Soft, small hands found their way into my grasp. "Why are you crying? It is alright..." Her kind voice could only make me bawl harder.

The fact she didn't know made it worse. The very thought of Juvia still loving, never less, was terrible.

My free hand clenched into a fist, and I willed the tears to stop. "I'm sorry I'm late," I finally mustered.

But what I really wanted to say was-

I'm sorry I'm having these thoughts while I am with you.

She looked up at me with bright and cheerful eyes. With her fingers, she gingerly brushed my hair out of my face, placing a light peck upon the corner of my upturned smile.

"Happy Anniversary, Gray-sama."

"Th...thank you."

"Gray-sama, don't start crying again!"

"I wasn't crying!"

She laughed at my insistent response. "Would you like some cake, then?" I turned away, frowning, "don't treat me like a kid."

"Okay, okay." She wrapped her arms around my waist, nudging her head into my chest. "Thank you for hurrying over."

I was hesitant to touch her hair. "Of course I'll hurry over. I can't let my girlfriend celebrate our anniversary by herself." I settled my hand on her head.

She let go, and sat back down. "Yes, that would be unfortunate." Juvia gazed up, shyly. "Thank you, Gray."

My heart jolted.

But it wasn't from hearing my own name without honorifics coming from Juvia's lips. It wasn't from happiness.

It was how much her words and her voice sounded like (Y/N)'s. It was how I liked it. And to be honest, that was the worst part.

I couldn't enjoy myself after that.

___

The feeling of soft locks of hair brushed against my chin, tickling me from my drowsiness. My eyes barely opened, registering my thoughts back.

Juvia cuddled in my arms, her pajamas rustled and disheveled. I leaned back into the bed, sinking into the soft mattress.

I was stuck on simply what to do.

And while my girlfriend slept; carefree and happily, I was alone with my thoughts in the silence. Jumbling and walking over themselves, my brain was scattered. Shouting and arguing, chaos ruined my peacefulness.

I should tell her.

Damn, but then what?

You're really going to tell her goodbye?

That part was no lie, I was sure of that. I love her to death, it was just someone else that occupied my mind, alongside with her.

I'm really gonna go to hell for this.

Another quiet part of me thought, but that's okay.

Juvia stirred in her sleep, and a small smile appeared on her face. She turned the other way, snuggling into the sheets.

I just-

I just can't leave her.

Whether it was the soft sunlight, or the welcoming embrace of my own sheets; tangling and wrapping around myself, my eyelids begun to feel heavy.

In the hazy afternoon, I slept with my worries.