From Lonely to Loved

Chapter 2

Sarah

I'm in tears. Crying. I cried all night last night and am still crying now. How could Jack just throw away friendship? He's so alone, no friends. He gets bullied. How could he not realize that I want to be his friend? That I like him more than a friend?

I just want Jack to know. I want him to know how much I like his scruffy, light brown hair. How much I like his blue eyes. How much I like his lips. Oh, I just want to kiss him. He's so handsome but he doesn't even realize it. I want him to know how much I like him, how much I want to be with him. How much I want him to be mine.

I don't know how to tell him, though. How am I supposed to tell the loneliest person in school that I like him? He wouldn't believe me. He'd get upset and call me a liar. So what do I do?

I suppose, I could try and make him see it, without telling him. I could give him letters every now and then and I could look at him during break, stay near but not too close. So that he notices me always there. I'll try that. I need him to know. But I can't tell him.

I have to go into math class now, which he is in. I've only been here two weeks. And in the past three classes I've had in math and the other classes I have with him, he always sits alone, at the back of the room. So I decided to sit a bit closer to him today. I was the second person into class. He happened to be the first. He always was. So today I went and sat just a few tables closer. I didn't look back but I could feel him looking at me.

When I talked to him yesterday, I could see in his eyes how much he wanted to be my friend, and how much he was forcing himself not to let me. I just wanted to take the never ending pain out of his eyes. I want to see happiness there instead of hurt. I'm trying my best.

All through class. His eyes watching me. I don't know how, but I can feel the hurt in his eyes. His longing for my friendship. And his pain for stopping himself. I can't stand it. I rip a slip of paper from my book and begin to write.

Jack

I know you don't want to be my friend because of the bullies. But I could feel you looking at me through all of maths class. And when I talked to you I could see the hurt in your eyes when you told me not to be your friend. I'll be at the library next break. Please meet me there. If you don't I understand. Please, just think about coming. Be my friend. I'm here for you. I won't bully you, or lie to you. I don't want to be friends with the people that bully you. Just meet me there. Let me talk to you. You know you want to be my friend. You just won't let yourself

Sarah xo

There. Now all I have to do is wait until Jack's gone and then I'll slip the message into his locker. I spent class taking notes and answering questions. When break finally came, I waited until everyone had left the class, including Jack. I watched as he slowly slumped off to break. I felt sorry for him. And I felt something for him. And I just wanted him to be happy. When I was sure he was completely gone and away from his locker, I snuck to his locker and slid in the letter.

*************

When second break came I was worried that Jack wouldn't come. It was twenty minutes into break and I was just about to leave. I'd given up hope. But just as I was about to go, he came. 'Oh, Jack! Thank you for coming! I thought you weren't going to sh-' He interrupted me.

'Why did you ask me here again? I told you. I want to be your friend. But I can't let you get bullied with me.'

'But don't you hate it? Being bullied? Having no friends? Don't you want at least one? I want to be your friend Jack. So much. Why won't you let me be?'

'Because I don't want you to be bul-'.

'But I like you!'

Oh no! What did I just say? He wasn't supposed to know. Oh god. I think I'm going to faint. I'm so scared. His words broke through my thoughts. 'As a friend? I like you too. But we can't be friends. I don't want you hurt because of bullies.'

It's too late to turn back now. I had to tell him. 'More than as a friend!'

'Don't lie to me.'

'I'm not.'

'You are! You try to be my friend? Then you lie? Are you trying to hurt me? No one likes me. No one! So why would you?'

'I do like you. I don't lie. I do like you. I don't want to hurt you. I'm not like the other people. I do like you. And I want to be your friend- I want to be more than a friend! With you. I knew you wouldn't believe me... I just. I. Oh, there's no point. You won't believe me anyway.'

I can't believe myself. I said that, and now I'm crying in front of him? Why? Why am I doing this? Why can't he believe me?

'I'm sorry. I can't be here.' He spoke slowly like he was in pain. 'I need to process this.'

'No please d-' He was gone. I'd ruined everything. I messed up big time here. He might not ever talk to me again. What if that happens? I like him so much, what if he never speaks to me again? That can't happen. I need him. He doesn't want to believe it, but he needs me too.

*************

It's been a few days since I last spoke to Jack. I tried to get him to meet me a few times but he never showed. I could still feel him looking at me in all of our classes and I know he wants to be my friend. But I can see that he's scared. He doesn't want to be hurt more. And he doesn't know the truth. I try my best but Jack just won't talk.

I'm about to walk into another unbearable math class of him watching me, and as I walk in, there's a note on my desk. I sit down and read it:

Sarah Jenson. I was going to invite you into our group but I saw you with that loser. I don't even remember his name he's that much of a loser! Well anyway, since you were with him, you can't be with us. That makes you a loser too. You're a loser! You hang out with losers and are friends with losers! Loser! Loser!

I knew who it was from, it was from Vicki. She's one of Jack's bullies, she's always there when he is, shouting at him, taunting him, treating him like dirt. Lately, though, she's just been 'whispering' behind his back. Just happening to be loud enough for him to hear. I hated her, and didn't care about what she called me, but it still hurt. I didn't want to be called a loser. But still, I cared about Jack and wanted to be his friend- more than a friend. And that means more to me than anything.