Surely Blue

~10~

The next morning I did my usual routine of setting out the dishes with the help of Brayden.
"So, I was thinking about what you said last night." Brayden started to say, toying with his toast.
"About going over the fence?" I say in a quiet voice.
"Yeah. We should go somewhere tonight. Like over the fence." He then said.
"Where?" I ask, shocked at his ambition.
"I don't know. We'll talk about it later," he said eyeing Ms. Brady. She came over to us and put her hands on Brayden's shoulders.
"You know sweetie, there are plenty of children here. You can...expand your horizons." She said eyeing me.
"Thank you, but I'm fine." He said quietly.
"Your a good kid." She then said. She walked away in a frustrated manner.
"I hate her." I say looking at her.
"She's not that bad," chuckled Brayden. I sharply look over at him. "I'm joking, Jack. I hate her too, but you can't do anything about it," he said changing his tone.
After breakfast we return to our room and watch the littler kids play outside through the window.
They were so happy. And pure. The haven't suffered the consequences of reality. I mean they are orphans, but they don't understand. This is normal, daily life for them. They don't know that their families have left them one way or another. They don't know.
"So have you been like this your entire life?" Brayden asks, sitting on the window seat next to me.
"What do you mean?" I ask still gazing out the window.
"Alone." He answered.
"I had one friend when I was 5. It was the very first orphanage I was put in. Her name was Blaise." I say.
"What happened?" Brayden then inquired, urging me to go on.
"I got moved to another orphanage and never saw her again." I said with no emotion.
"Was it hard to leave?" He then asks furrowing his eyebrows.
"No, I'm use to it. Now stop with the weird questions," I say feeling slightly uncomfortable.
"Ok. Then I'll ask normal questions. Like, what's your favorite color, and stuff like that," he then smiled.
I look over at him and shoot him a sarcastic smile.
"But seriously, what's your favorite color?" He said.
"Blue. Yours?" I ask looking back out the window.
"Red." He said. I see out of the corner of my eye, he turns his gaze out the window.
     We both sat in silence and watched the little children play tag and hide-n-go-seek.
     "I miss those days." Brayden states with a sigh. "Where you were to little to understand life. All you knew was to just live." He says with his mood changing.
     I silently disagree with him. Life slapped my in the face at a young age. It slapped me with guilt and reality.
     "You don't agree with me?" Asked Brayden.
     I inhale deeply before saying, "My brother blamed me. He blamed me for my mothers death and the reason we're orphans." I look down at the memory. "He said that I killed her and was the reason dad left. He said dad left because I killed her. He said it was all my fault and I believed him. That's why I've always been alone." I sniff, answering his question he previously asked. "People just hurt other people and I learned that at a young age. " I speak quietly.
     I wipe my teary eyes. Brayden sits there in shock. I tilt my head down and run my eyes some more.
     "That's why I'm here. At the orphanage." I say once I've collected myself.
     "Jack-" Brayden started to say.
     "I don't want to hear it. I don't care if your sorry. You asked why I was here and if I've always been alone. I gave an answer." I say emotionless.
     I get up and lay on the bed, facing away from Brayden. That was the most I've ever opened up to anyone.
     All this time I've been trying to forget those memories. I've come to the conclusion, that I'll never forget. They've made me the person I am today, and that's not necessarily a good thing.