Surely Blue

~30~

I did it. I finally lost it. I knew it would happen either sooner or later. It happens to everybody, just later down the road.
I just can't handle it. 15 nearly 16 years of questions that are standard for a preschooler to know. Example: Who are my parents? What do they do?
I laid on Blaise's couch, where her parents had designated me. I stare at the ceiling fan going in endless circle.
I'm almost positive that Blaise thinks I'm crazy, and it's funny because I'm starting to think that to. Is it crazy to think that I'll find Andrew, or better yet my parents? Is it crazy that I still have an ounce of hope that my life could meet the all American standards? Is it crazy that I have feelings for Brayden?
I admitted it to myself. I like Brayden. I do. I've always felt that way, but didn't allow myself to, that is until he was gone. Let's face it, the chances of me seeing him again are slim.
"Jack? Are you awake?" I hear Blaise's voice whisper from the stairs. I sit up on the couch to answer her question.
She creaks to the couch. It was nearly pitch black, except for the moonlight peaking through the front window.
Blaise moves my blanket over and sits beside me. "Are you ok?" She asks turning to face me.
"When do I know to give up?" I ask however I was facing the darkness.
"I don't know." Blaise sighed. "It depends on the type of person you are. And how badly you want to find what your looking for." She said after a pause. "Only you can answer that question, Jack." She then said.
      I don't say anything. I just rest my forehead in my hand. I was at a loss for words. It was like all words had been sucked out of my mouth and left not a single one.
     I hate it. I want to scream and cry and kick and...leave. I want to leave all my problems. I feel the tears well up in my eyes. However, these tears fell effortlessly. I didn't have to force them out. It was like they were directs to stream down my face.
      This pain is a pain that I've avoided my entire life, a perfect mixture of frustration, betrayal. Right now I'm reminded of why. Someone can shoot me 100 times in the chest, but nothing will be as painful as this.
     "Let's go to the beach tomorrow and just do what 'normal' people would do. We can forget all of this just for one day. It'll be like a break." Blaise said putting her hand on my knee. I mutter a soft "ok."
     It was to dark to see my tear stained cheeks and the hurt reflected in my eyes. My dark eyes.