"You have to talk to him some time Kaylie." But do I? "I think you're forgetting who left who mom." It's been weeks since I have seen or spoken to my dad, but who's counting? Besides, he doesn't need me, he has Matty and Caylin, his girlfriends children, so he has no use for me.
Sometimes I go over in my head what went wrong, what did I do that was so bad that my own dad didn't want me in his life? ( or at least not as much as he used to ) Everything will be ok, no matter how many (more) people leave me I'll always have myself. Ok ok I'll admit I sound like a loser, trust me I'm not, I just have no reason to get close to people that are going to abandon me. My parents were divorced when I was seven, my little brother died when I was 11, my dad and my stepmom divorced when I was 13, my best friend moved away when I was 14 and most of the friends I had left abandoned me, at 16 years old my dad decides I'm not a priority anymore and now at 17 my mom decides we're going to pack up and move to Michigan, which is a hell of a long way from New York . Some where along the list of leaving people and people leaving me, something came to join me, and it's name is anxiety. Separation anxiety to be exact, according to my shrink "it roots from a life of losses" makes sense. "It's also normal to blame yourself, just know it's not you're fault."
"It's not your fault" four words, the four words that I hear the most. From what I understand "it's not my fault" my stepmom left. It's also "not my fault" that my friends decided to leave me. Of course "it's not my fault" when my dad decided his girlfriends children were more important than me. Well I have I question for all these "its not your fault" people, who's fault is it? I'm constantly being left, forgotten and pushed aside, but you're going to tell me it's not my fault? Makes sense seeing as to the only person everyone is leaving is me.
I'm getting better with the anxiety, in fact it's almost gone, but if I ever do start to feel anxious again I have a place to go, this is the place where our story begins , the coffee shop down the road in my new town. I can't explain it, there was something about it that pulled me in maybe because it's so cozy and comforting. Maybe because It feels like home. Maybe it was the boy with the bright blue hair and mocha eyes, Josh Dun.
