dear olivia

entry one

dear olivia,

today dr. monrova told me to write about the day of the accident and to be quite honest with you, i was dreading it. these last few days have been unbelievably hard and i don't know how i'll ever be able to put it into words. but, at this point i'm desperate to lessen the pain i've been experiencing ever since you died. and so, here it is, just like dr. monrova asked for:

i was sprawled out over my couch staring at the time on my old out of date cable box that miraculously still worked, seeing that it was already 7:43pm. we planned on watching your favorite movie that time because you were appalled that i had never even heard of it before and so you told me you'd be there at seven, so i decided to facetime you just to be greeted to your ceiling as you began to frantically apologize.

"i'm sorry theodore! i overslept and just woke up, i'm just grabbing everything i need and then i'll head out." olivia called out to me, somewhere far from her phone at this point.

"overslept? did you take a nap?" i asked. olivia was no stranger to oversleeping when she napped.

"um, maybe. it was just so i wouldn't fall asleep during the movie!" she explained finally poking her head into the frame.

"there's my girl." i cheered, winning a smile from her as she sarcastically winked at me before disappearing again.

"please tell me what i'm forgetting." 

"uhhhhhh, the dvd?" i shot out.

"fuck, the dvd!" i heard her move across the room. "ok got it, anything else that i may of forgot?"

"probably, but we will figure that out when you get here." i responded, trying to get her to come quicker.

"well, if i forget anything it's your fault." olivia picked up her phone and holding it out so i could see her.

"i could live with that." i told her trying to restrain a smile. "now get your ass over here."

"ay, ay, captain." she saluted me before hanging up.

if i knew that that would be the time time i'd of talked to you, i would have said so much more.

i laid there on the couch for what seemed like hours playing pointless games on my phone before i started to worry. it was almost nine pm now and you hadn't responded to any of the texts i had sent since you supposedly left your house. the sirens i had heard before never crossed my mind until there was a knock on my door and outside the window i saw a man in a police uniform.

i remember slowly getting up and walking over to him but everything after i opened the door was just a blur to me now.

the man introduced himself and explained what he was doing here but i couldn't seem to process anything he was saying. my heart was racing and i only ever heard chunks of what he was saying.

'are you theodore chrysanthos?'

'olivia andreletti?'

'we contacted her family at the scene and they asked us to come tell you since she was headed here.'

'18-wheeler'

'dead on impact'

'i'm so sorry for your loss.'

none of what he was saying made sense to me until i shut the door and shuffled my way over to the staircase a few feet away and sat down. my body felt numb and my head was buzzing.

olivia is dead.

and suddenly i began to cry for the first time in a long time. and little did i know, that i'd never seem to stop.

love,
theo