Forget Me Not (HIATUS )

Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Two days ago, I went to the doctors and was diagnosed with bulimia and depression.

When I met Sage in the waiting room after Dr. Cuddy left he tried asking me what happened. At first, I didn't want to tell him. So, I just kept quiet. Then, he just wouldn't stop asking. I couldn't take it anymore so I gave in and told him.

When I told him, he didn't seem surprised. Actually he had a knowing look on his face when I told him. He had this look that showed that he already knew and this doctors appointment was just to confirm his thoughts.

Well it's not really a surprise. I'm pretty sure anybody would be able to tell what's wrong with me just by looking at me.

It's not that hard.

Today, Liam is supposedly going to take me to a therapist. I really don't want to go but I'm pretty sure I have no choice.

"Amira, would you hurry up already!" Liam yells to me through the other side of my bedroom door. "Your appointment starts in 10 minutes!"

"Fuck off. I don't want to go." I say just loud enough for him to hear me.

"You don't have a choice so would you just hurry up already!" I can tell he's getting very upset with me. But I honestly couldn't care less.

"I'm not going."

"Yes you are."

"No. I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Amira, you're coming and if you say no one more time I swear to God, I will knock this door down and drag you there myself whether you're ready or not."

He's not lying. He's done it before to Daniel. Once, Daniel got suspended from school for a week for fighting. Liam wanted to talk to Daniel about the suspension but Daniel wouldn't unlock his door so Liam knocked it down. They only fixed it last month. And Liam knocked it down six months ago.

I can't go five months without a door. I need privacy.

"Fine." I stand up and throw on some jeans and a t-shirt. Grabbing your converse and phone I unlock my bedroom door.

"Finally!" Liam says while dramatically throwing his hands in the air for emphasis.

"Drama queen." I mutter.

"How long am I going to be there?" I ask Liam once we are in the car.

"About an hour or so." He says not once taking his eyes off the road.

"I don't want to go." I pout like a little child.

Liam sighs and finally takes his eyes off the road to glance at me. "Amira, you're depressed. We're only sending you to a therapist because we know you need it. She's gonna help you. You need to open up to her so she can help you. I know you don't want to go but it's for the best. And speaking of depressed, did you take you're pills?"

"No. I don't want to take that shit. I googled it and there's so much negative side effects. Let me just name a few for you. Ok there's nausea. I don't want to be nauseas everyday. Then, increased appetite and weight gain. I just lost weight, I don't want to gain it all back!"

"Amira, I hate to burst your bubble but you're bulimic, I think weight gain would be good for you."

"But, I don't want to gain weight! It's my body, not yours!" I practically scream at him. "Anyways, there's fatigue and insomnia! The two totally contradict each other! I don't want to be tired from the damn pills and not be able to sleep because of the pills. It makes no sense! Also, there's dried mouth, blurred vision, constipation, dizziness, agitation irritability, anxiety. And the most major one of all, increase of suicidal thoughts. I don't want any of that!"

"Amira, you're already suicidal. Take the damn pills." He reaches over to the glove compartment and pulls out a bottle of pills oh and would you look at that, they're prescribed to me.

"Fuck." I mutter and take the pills.

We finally pull up to the therapist building and I reluctantly get out, complaining the whole way up the stairs.

"Amira just shut the fuck up already!" I quickly shut my mouth and keep walking. We finally get to the therapist and it turns out we were seven minutes late.

"Ok hi Amira, I'm Dr. Laura Eason. But, I'd like for you to call me Dr. Eason." She locks the door while I take a seat on the couch. "You can either sit on the couch or lie down. Whatever makes you comfortable." She gives the most warm smile I've ever seen. She seems so sweet. She seems like she would make a great mother. I timidly smile back.

"Umm can we just please start?"

"Oh yes, sure!" She says as if she's forgotten that I was here for a therapy session. "Ok, so tell me what's bothering you. What is making you depressed?"

"Umm I don't really feel like talking about this..." I really don't want to be here but I wouldn't want to tell her that. That would be extremely rude.

"Look, Amira, I know this may be a very touchy subject but it's okay to talk about it with me. Everything you say to me will be confidential. Not even your brothers will know about what is being said."

Maybe, I should just talk about it. Everybody says it's good for you. "Well, even if I am to tell you why I'm depressed I wouldn't even know where to start. So much shit has happened in my life."

"Just start from the beginning. And let's try and keep the cursing to a minimal." I can tell that she'll cringe every time I swear. She seems like that perfect ladylike woman who would probably die before somebody catches her cursing.

I don't want to start any trouble so I just do a slight nod and ask the question that's been on my mind. "Don't you already know my problems? Didn't my brothers tell you when they made this appointment?"

"Yes but, I only asked for a brief description of what happened and I want to hear it all from your point of view."

"Well let's just say that, I killed my mother and sent my father to prison so now, I have no friends because nobody actually understands what really happens and when I first tried to clear up the rumors nobody believed me so now I really don't give a fu- I mean I don't care what they think." Wow, I never realized how hard it is to not swear. I didn't realize how fluently it just comes out of my mouth.

"Would you like to go into further depth of what happened? Because you're making yourself sound like a horrible person which, I'm pretty sure you're not." She's frowning as if she's disappointed in me for talking about myself like this.

"Well I am a pretty horrible person." I shrug and continue on. "I must be pretty horrible if I've got my own brother saying that he hates me."

At this point, I'm trying my best not to cry. It's really hard to keep the tears from falling when they're at the brim of your eyes and your visions getting blurry from the build up of tears and in addition to all of this, your eyes are burning. I guess Dr. Whatever-her-name-is sees that I want to cry so she hands me the box of tissues. I wipe away some tears and blow my nose and quickly compose myself.

"And which brother said that he hates you?" She has her eyebrows scrunched up as she writes her notes.

"Daniel. We haven't talked since. It's sad to think about the relationship with my brother. He said he hates me and we just stopped talking. But even when we were talking, we weren't that close. So it's not like it was some huge loss when we stopped talking to each other." Again, with these stupid fucking tears.

"Sounds like a lot. And you seem to be having trouble by just giving me some vague answers so, I want you to come back in two days and we'll talk some more, okay?" She has the most pitiful smile on her face.

"Yah, whatever. I don't have a choice of whether I'm coming or not."