First of all, forgive me why I choose this draft. It's the only story which is related to Mindanao other than my very long Novel.
Yeah, it was actually written in English but not translated when I was grade three of my grade school. I still have the second draft; but, I'd lost the notebook where plenty of (laugh). As when I become fifteen, I've read then and just wow. So I applied some architecture with this with plenty of endings. And the last revision of this, from two months ago, made me ended this story and did cut off the next five chapters as I've only shown the first three chapters and did not edit the grammar error as I applied it to the architecture of this story. First Ending is on the chapter one where the protagonist should be dead or become a vampire in meaning, and the Last Ending is on the 9th scene where the protagonist followed his dream to write what is need to write and cut off the no important. The Third Ending and the rest Endings I have not publish which is a romantic conflicts and Rebuda's disappearance. Why I applied the grammar Nazi is, this story is two dimensional, which is the narrator and the protagonist share in common, which is part of the story itself and polished the story itself where you can read on chapter three inspired part 2. And the writer is a child, the me before and not the me right now. My only problem is, I'm not famous so it's hard for the others to get the meaning of this work.
I can't write a story like this because I lost my innocent and not as pure person as before. I'm very open-minded right now and a mind-reader as long as it's not technical matters like math or literacy. But I know why I wrote those words, it's literal in meaning. If I'll edit this, then I lost my childhood, where story was more important for me. I'm now a person of contradictory in terms of philosophy.
But, I will apply these reviews of this story to my other story where I've been doodling my drafts, it contains of all the genre and has very detailed materials, except LGBT. It's like a Final Fantasy Series, Dragon Quest Series, Pokemon Series, but where characters are much realistic related to the cultures or attitudes of the Philippines. That's the reason why I need the review of this and others of my short stories. I don't want my words to be scroll down just because the readers know where the story is going, and the imaginary are just wasting the time.
"Wow, finally, after seeing her face, it made me realize how beautiful she is." After + seeing = he has stopped looking. And it sounds like a grammar made sentence than how he speak, reminder that not all people are completely literate, and they are also materials for my story. Plus if I write 'finally', it means the protagonist was expecting to see her face. The only error I have here is, "I('ve) fully seen..." Why the protagonist was not expecting although Rebuda was the kind of beauty he was dreaming? He was not yet ready to extend his hand to things that he can't reach. "its more far here" My error is, "it(')s more far (from) here"
... 'Went' actually has a meaning of walking, when 'appear' is her power to disappear from one place and appear into another place. And 'to' is a mechanism of infinitive form which is too vague for a preposition or prepositional phrase if used incorrectly. Nasabi ko napo, why I did not edit the grammar nito. And you still need to know that each word has its rule.
About hooking, due to I read plenty of encyclopedias, books, play a lot of games, watch too many entertainments, sports, communicating in real life, adventure to many places, experience new things; my taste is quite high, so I write what hooks myself and readers like me. I actually write what I can't find to read, when all my favorites have ceased in updating. But now I need to finish a novel so I need a review from this.
But the rest of your comments are actually inspiring. Except for the grammar, it was intentionally left, although this story is actually a draft. I still don't know why I had written this on the past.
No, your feedback is quite inspiring. Anyway, what important to me is the content. I like your work also you know.
You have point about footnote. But don't worry, it's not too destructing. It just some native told me to place it there, he said this is not a book.About potential, only if the story is not completed. All of my short stories are just for experiment for my Long Novel. I have this tutorial, "if you want to improve in writing, create short stories, and hone your skills there to the utmost of your ability. Then create new one until you become good. Don't spent your time about one piece." Anyway all reviews here, will be applied to my novel.
Beta-reader is included myself. And beta-reader was adopted from us programmers. They are sample customers and clients who will give critiques too what they like.
Don't worry, your feedback I take in mind.
And I won't say "thanks", we Mindanawan have this saying, "If you say thanks, you can't do it again."
About the selection I want to choose bentchbites. He is near to the get the meaning of my work. :)
Anyway, this kind of review system is on par to what I have been doing. I enjoy this as I will continue giving out my knowledge when I suppose to be.
ESTÁS LEYENDO
FWFC Cycle 2 Review Book
RandomStart: June 20, 2016 End: August 15, 2016 The Second Official Cycle of FWFC will feature the fantasy works of the following writers (in no particular order): @bentchbites @MissBulilit @yoshiro_hoshi @HearmJan @ellesanity @Imakemyowndestiny @frostys...
