help me (Tyler Joseph)

Trapdoor

Has anyone else taken great time to just examine their ceiling? When I lay my spine flat of my bed I am able to do just so. It's old and crumbling. It takes all my might to not wish it upon me. The ceiling crumbles. It falls onto my entire being. But I don't feel any pain. No pain needed because I can imagine it perfectly. It releases me from my stupor. The ceiling doesn't hit me. I realize now, as I look around, that it's crashing around me. Behind me and in front of me. On all of my sides. Not even a sprinkle of dust gets on my clothes. I close my eyes and revel in the sounds of the collapsing walls.

I sit up and open my eyes to a dark, but clean, room. The ceiling is intact. The walls still standing. As i get up some dust falls from the ceiling and settles on my shoulders; reminding me that it can take me down.

The doorknob twists under my hand and i walk into a cold hallway. The stone floors chilling my toes and creeping along my hips. I drag my fingers across the smooth walls of the desolate hallway. When I reach the end I am greeted by a large expanse of room. A sink and refrigerator in the corner and a couch along the other wall. 3:42 AM the clock on the oven whispers to me. I nod in its direction in gratitude. The fridge opens its' arms in welcome and i see nothing. No food hidden in the crooks for me. I walk away and find my bed in the darkness.

___ ___ ___ ___

"Tyler"

Dr. Paulson looked down at me with worry.

" Yes" I say in reply to his personal question.

"Tyler, I need you to explain to me what happened this time."

"It was the ceiling again"

"And how did you feel?"

I look him straight in the eyes, for he needs to feel the impact of my words, and i say, "Empty"

"I think we are done for today, you are free to go Tyler." He says sympathetically.

He always lets me go when I start to get deep. It makes him nervous. The last time he tried to help me after I got deep with him he ended up needing a therapist himself. I do that to people. I can make the happiest man in the world doubt himself and his existence. What are you still doing here? He can't help you. No one can. You're a lost cause admit it. But I won't admit anything to him. He's my demon. My other half. His name is Blurry. I drag myself home and situate myself on the couch.

My fingers fumble along the thin white lines on my wrist going up my elbows and finally reaching my neck. My hands rub the place where a thick red line used to be, all around my neck. I bring back the burning and rash that formed once they got me down. My mind replays the movie of September 9. The rope and the police. The screams emitting from next door as she watched from her window before picking up her phone. Everything was yellow.

Eventually I make my way to the bathroom to look at myself in the the mirror. My appearance tells the story of my life. My eyes reflect the milky coffee that my mom drank in the mornings. Her nose scrunching up as she laughs and takes a sip. My hair, the color of the dark soil in her garden. The pale lines along my arms represent her white roses, always tinted from the dust.

Thudding erupts from my large, oak door. My head spins and i almost faint. Why are you scared? Is it because your a loser with no friends? Why would anyone be here? They know what you've done. I slowly wobble up to the door and open it slightly.

"Hello? Can i help you?" I say to the boy standing there. His build towers a good 5 inches above me and a smell of tacos wafts from him.

"Um," he drags his hand loosely through his bright blue hair, "My car kinda broke down, could you help me out?"

My pulse slows at the realization that he genuinely needs help and isn't here for... other reasons.

"I guess," I whisper shyly and look up into his big brown eyes, "Hold on."

I close the door to my house and then I close the doors to my eyes. Breathe. I go into my garage and open it to find the boy waiting outside, his hands in his pockets. When he sees me he walks up to me and shoves his hand in front of me.

"I'm Josh."

I flinch away from his hand before slowly taking it.

"My name is Chris." Oh, Tyler. You think that you can escape that easily. Your name doesn't change who you are.

Josh looked at me funny "I thought you're name was Tyler. We went to the same school... before you... um... you know... dropped out."

"Oh. I didn't recognize you"

"I dyed my hair" He chuckles, "Why the fake name?"

"You could have been a stalker." I shrugged

"Okay well i promise I'm not, I just need to fix my car."

"Right" I shift away from him and once I help him jump-start his car and he leaves I go inside.

Multiple deep breaths later I'm in my room again. Sleep takes over from there and I find myself protected from the crumbling walls and ceiling collapsing around me.

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So that's chapter one! I hope you guys like it. I have so many ideas for this story and I'm excited to share them with you! 'Till next time; stay safe and stay alive |-/