Painful Thoughts of The Hidden One (The Broken One Series #0.2)

I am Selfish.

    I am a selfish person. This is something I know. This is something I live with everyday. In fact I remind myself what a selfish piece of shit I am.
The thing is, even when your insecure and you know all these terrible things about you are true, hearing someone close to you blatantly say it like it's today's weather and then go on laughing at the newest cat video with her housewife friends. That stings like a burning hand scalding your cheek.
      "Don't be too offended but someone needs to tell you. You; are a self-centered brat. Think about other people once in a while if you can."
Those are the words that came out of my beloved mummy's perfectly glossed mouthed before she turned back to her phone giggling about whatever the hell was more important than her daughter.
      It's not like this was the first time. Far from it. And this wasn't the worst time. FAR from it. But it hurt, like every single time. And like every single time, I swallowed the lump in my throat and just breathed. What else was there to do?
I couldn't ruin her perfect reputation by crying in public (NOT THAT I WOULD EVER DO THAT). That'd make a scene. And she couldn't know she hurt me. I was a strong girl. Her strong little girl.
      I guess this wasn't much on this thought and there is much more on this story....  But I needed this.  This release.  Sometimes the pain just builds up and even though its always been there and it will always be there it becomes too much and its just tiring and overbearing and you just want to scream.  Well.  Screamers are screamers.  They let the world hear their pain.  I'm not a screamer.  I'm a hider.

And that's for another time.

Sincerely,
Agnes Delilah. Not a screamer.  And not as strong as she wishes she was.