Written In These Walls

Chapter 2

A/N: Hey 1.4K but unedited because I'm a lazy shit have fun.

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Louis really wasn't used to crying, he actually wasn't.

He was the type of person who could contain the urge to cry any time, but the flood gates are smashed the minutes he speaks of it.

And that was what the wall writing did for him.

Louis really hated crying, though, so after the first day he had begun to work on containing everything, it only took a week, because Louis still had a lot of willpower to appear as strong as possible.

Maybe it was just that Louis hated tears, because really, they were pointless. He didn't get their existence, as much as he didn't understand his own, which was a lot. Because they were just salty water that poured out of your eyes, to show how weak you were by tinting your eyes a bit pink. They didn't get rid of the pain, they just made you feel pathetic. Crying it out didn't make you feel better, that was a huge myth, it usually just made you feel worse. If it made you feel better, you didn't have a reason to cry anyway. Some people liked to act like crying solved you issues, like, oh, I'm done crying! Now I'm suddenly smart and worth something!, no.

So Louis really hated crying.

And after a week, Harry still heard the light scratching, but no sobs, so he thought Louis' rough week was over and brushed it off.

-

Louis was really stressed now.

He was having exams this week, as it was nearing the end of the school year, and he needed to cram, cram, and most of all, cram. Really, Louis was a terrible student, not someone who could never study and still get an A, like he made himself look, and his grades would be shit if he didn't spend hours studying. Because Louis wanted to be at least an inch closer towards perfect. He really couldn't wait for summer, where he'd spend it holed up in his house pretending he stayed at his grandparents all summer just to avoid social interaction. Occasionally, Harry would stop by because his mother had his family for dinner sometimes, and Harry never asked why he lied about his summer whereabouts.

-

Louis had spent all weekend cramming for his French exam, he could do this, really. Maybe it'd be easier if the voice in his head weren't telling him that he would fail, because that put a bit of a damper on his confidence. But Louis made it through the exam with minimal sweat showing through his shirt, and he didn't smell too bad, and he'd like to consider that a huge accomplishment, thank you very much. But he still had an exam for every other class, and that made Louis really wish he was dead.

-

After his two weeks of exams, he thinks he did at least average, so he pats himself on the back, not literally, that would be kind of weird (maybe he did, but he made sure no one was watching, so it does not count). And now he only had one week left to his junior year, which would be spent in class socializing with people rather than doing any work, considering there wouldn't be any more criteria to go over. But Louis would rather be doing work than talking to these people, (this one girl, Eleanor, has asked him out about 15 times, and still hadn't gotten the hint, and she was in 3 of his classes, great). So, you can really see how much Louis hates people, which his mother likes to tell him is really sad for someone his age, but Louis doesn't think she realizes her patronizing doesn't change the way he feels. Well technically it did, by making him feel even more worthless when he didn't think it was possible.

-

That night, Louis wrote on the wall,

I'm going to die alone.

No one will ever have me, I can't even stand the sight of myself.

I'm not alone, I'm lonely.

Putting a bit more stress on the pen with the last word.

Then he carved into his thighs,

W O R T H L E S S

Meticulously and carefully, to make it hurt more. When he was done and had cleaned up and was wearing sweats, he moved his hand over his thighs to trace gently over the cuts, applying pressure every once in a while, physically wincing.

-

Louis really wanted to go home.

It was only second period and he wanted to strangle everyone in the room, except Billy, who was just silently reading a book, Louis liked Billy. He was currently squished between Zayn and Niall because they thought it'd be a good idea (Louis had no idea why, it just made him extremely uncomfortable), and they were joking to Nick and Greg about how gay their group was, considering all five were gay. And that made Louis even more uncomfortable, because there was Zayn and Niall then Nick and Greg dating, then Louis was just a single pringle (let's pretend he never thought the phrase in his life), the who situation screamed awkward. But Louis was soon saved by his Lord and Savior, the bell, as everyone rushed out the door, Louis awkwardly trailing behind Billy.

-

A few days later, it was their last day of school.

Louis could not be more excited to get out of there for the next three months and completely avoid social interaction. Wait, when he said it like that he really did sound weird but, eh, he was just being honest.

But what he didn't expect walking out was a curly haired boy calling and running to catch up with him as Louis got to the line for the bus. So, Louis slowed down his stepping before a breathless Harry was beside him, heaving.

“Louis.” Harry wheezed.

Louis raised an eyebrow, “What, mate?”

“Could we erm- sit next to each other on the bus?” Now Louis couldn't tell if Harry was blushing because he was still flushed from his little work out, but he was pretty sure Harry was. It was insanely adorable, and he couldn't help but smile as he stepped another step towards the bus.

“Sure, mate. C'mon now.” Louis stepped on the bus, finding the seat empty that was closest to the back, and found on near the middle, before sitting by the window, Harry sitting beside him. Louis inwardly groaned as two under-dressed girls sat in front of him, looking directly at him, giggling when they saw him looking back before facing the front. Through the first half of the ride they just kept whispering and giggling, looking back at Louis every few minutes. So of course it got annoying, Harry seemed annoyed too, and Louis wondered if Harry realized that Louis had to listen to this every single day. Louis was snapped out of his faze by another giggle.

“Now what on earth is so funny?” and both girls cut off their giggles before looking back at him.

“So I heard you asked Eleanor out,” and Louis could already tell this was going to put him in a pissy mood, “and she said no,” were they fucking serious, “so you tan off crying to the loo.”

Now Harry was looking at him too. So Louis shut his eyes and breathed in deeply, and decided not to reply because if he did he feared he would end up smothering them both with the bus seat. So they resumed their giggling and Louis resumed planning their homicide.

A few minutes later Harry lightly shook him and he saw they were at his stop and Louis did something he would probably regret later as he reached the front of the bus.

“HEY!” so everyone's eyes were on him, and Harry had frozen to look at him from his spot on the steps.

“I did NOT ask out Calder, I know that's what you're all thinking. The truth is, I like dick not vagina have a great summer!” before running off the bus, basically pushing Harry off, who was staring at him wide-eyes.

“What.” and Louis was kind of scared because Harry looked so dumbfounded and Louis couldn't tell what he was thinking.

“I just came out.” Louis said.

And then Harry was laughing, “I wish I came out to my mom like that.”

What.

“Hey Louis.” Harry said nervously. Louis hummed in response.

“Could I have your number? Maybe?”

What.