All Those Years

Mourning

Knock knock knock "Who is it" Elsa said "Kai your... Majesty" "wait Kai why do you call me your majesty I am not... What happened Kai" "your parents the King and Queen were... lost... lost at sea" she became numb this couldn't be happening no her parents left for a wedding her cousin's wedding they were supposed to be back she thought "the funeral will be next month and we will discuss... Never mind we will save it for another time" Kai said. She knew he was talking about her coronation but she also knew it will be three years before she's come of age "three years that doesn't give me much time I have get a handle on things including how I can keep my powers a secret". Has the funeral was approaching Elsa slowly started to become more an more cold when Kai and Gerda were around anyways she didn't eat much she lost her appetite pretty frequently if Elsa was lucky she would be able to eat one full meal. She also didn't get much sleep around four hours became her max she was mostly concerned learning more in depth about Arendelle's political and social structure its allies its enemies trade partners, significant dates all of that she could pick up on the last one bothered her though betrothal "I don't even have any interest in it even if I did who would want to marry me? They will want me to take off my gloves and they will find out about my powers by that point they could easily accuse me of sorcery and take over the kingdom for themselves" she thought that was all she thought it would be so easy how could anyone love someone with a curse her emotions weighed her down to the point where she fell on a pile of snow on her room floor then she looked up unaware that she made snow like replicas of her parents she just looked at them she didn't know for how long time was no longer relevant "I'm... I'm... I'm so sorry why didn't I say goodbye to you? Why? Instead of bowing so formally why? Why can't... You be here with me" she said as she placed herself in between the two figures of her parents knees to her chest and began to cry.

The Funeral

Today was the day Elsa would have to walk out the door the thought terrified her but opening the door wasn't the thing that was terrifying her "Anna what will I do what will I say when I see you again" she thought. She felt her hands trembling how would she respond if she asked why she stayed in her room all that time. She started to sketch when finished she realized she sketched Mama and Papa and Anna and herself playing in the snow with the biggest smiles on there faces "why couldn't I learn to control my powers before you... And just see one look of approval on your faces" she said to herself then she looked out the window realizing day was just starting to break and she was fully dressed and ready. "I guess I should practice opening the door and taking one step outside" She opened the door took one step outside and caught a glimpse of Anna she froze and all she could was her mother's voice ringing in her head "you could hurt her again, you don't want that do you? It's only temporary until you get your powers under control, you could hurt hurt-- until you get your powers-- you don't want that do you? Until you get-- under control-- you could hurt-- your powers-- you don't want that-- your powers-- do you?" Now she went back into her room and locked the door nestling in the corner knees to her chest hands covering her ears "stop it! Stop it! Leave me alone! Mama Papa be quiet shut up!" She said to herself "hurt her again-- your powers-- hurt her again-- under control-- try again Elsa you don't want that do you? Your powers-- under control" that was all she was hearing she couldn't take it snow started to fall everything started to incase in ice a blizzard forming. She was numb she felt like her room was closing in on her, the world crashing down on her "I don't think I can" she told herself

Knock knock knock "what?" She thought she looked out her window "it's almost nightfall how can that be?, the funeral I missed it" "Elsa please I know your in there, people her asking where you've been... I'm right out her for you just let me in, we only have each other just you and me what are we going to do, do you want to build a snowman?" Tears started streaming down her face she want to let her in but then she looked at the state of her room everything covered in ice it was still snowing "I'm sorry Anna I can't let you see me like this my powers, I'm sorry Mama Papa you wanted me to learn how to control my powers but I can't but... I will become queen and keep my powers hidden from everyone and be a good ruler like you wanted... I'm sorry Anna" she thought to herself as she buried her head in her chest holding her knees closer to her chest.

While reading and looking over this part I started to get emotional thinking about my grandmother who passed away in the fall. I remember how devistated I was and how I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to her until we were at the hospital. I kept thinking about what we could've done or hadn't done together instead of focusing on what we did together. My reasoning for saying this is because life it short and you should savor every moment you have with someone you love because they could leave the earth at any moment. Also if you are recently going or are going through loss my heart goes out to you, and in someways understand what your going through because everyone grieves differently and should take as much time as you need to to grieve. I found it helpful to write in a journal and remember the good times you had with the person you love because that's all I think we can do.

I know it's a little off topic but I felt like I needed to write it anyways thanks for reading and if you lost someone just remember the good memories and know it's okay to be sad