sunny // hs

chapter one

sinclair psychiatric institution, coventry, england

the doors were pushed open and they closed behind and that was the last time i breathed fresh air. i now stare at the other side of the door wondering what lay behind. had anything changed? who walked past today? and did they think what was happening through those doors?

i don't remember much from my first day, but i don't know how i could when a needle pierced into my arm twice, injecting poison into my clean veins. i can remember the words sedate her, sedate her, then it would go black, but i can't remember it going black if you know what i mean? needless to say it was all a blur.

two months in now, this place isn't how you would imagine it. a teenager doesn't go into the usual asylum- something abit more subtle. we get basic classes here, like maths, English, geography and history. we got to choose a language, and i chose French.

i've tried to compare this environment to one similar home but i don't think i can. just imagine a bunch of kids in a big building with rooms. rooms where we sleep, or read, or eat, or talk. the people here don't talk too much, unless its to a wall or to themselves. oh, don't forget the nurses. they're polite. they just do their jobs. i don't think they care to much to interact with the patients. when we sit in the activity room, we can hear the nurses who laugh abit too loud in the room beside us. we share glances between eachother but go back to what we were doing, pushing the thoughts of wanting to swap places with the nurses next door to the back of our minds.

'sunny, it's 8. breakfast is in half an hour.' the nurses voice filled the room along with the sound of the door opening and shutting.

'good morning to you too.' i puff into the pillow.

'come on, you need get in the queue for your pills too. its pretty long this morning.'

i pull myself up and rub my eyes. fern opens the curtains and dull light poured into the room through the small window that didn't open. 'how are you feeling today otherwise?'

'fine.' i shrug and reach for the pile of clothes that sat in front of me. i trudged to the small bathroom and left the door cracked open to continue my conversation with fern.

'the usual then.' she replies amused.

'well, i think you know the most, out of all the nurses-'

'i know, i know sunny.' she cuts me off. 'anyways, there are some more staff arriving today.'

i stay silent as i pull the navy cardigan over my shoulders. 'is that supposed to be exciting?'

'well, no.'

'is there going to be any changes in the nurses that i have now?' i ask fretfully. i don't think i could handle a new nurse, i'm only beginning to stand fern.

'oh no, you're still stuck with me. don't worry, there are only about five of them. we were short of staff so Elizabeth brought them in.'

i walk out and i wait for fern to open the door as i follow behind. 'have a nice day, sunny.'

*

i slump in my chair as the telly played along with the tipping of kiera's nails against the table. some people talked amongst eachother, others sat alone or read a book, or watched the telly, or drew, or wrote. everything was always the same here. a boy with thin rimmed glasses and a cool red shirt sat in the corner writing in a notepad the institution provided us. i began to walk towards him and sit across from him, he looks up.

'your shirts really cool.' i speak and he widens his eyes and looks down at his shirt.

'thanks, got it in some charity shop in Bristol.' he speaks studying my face. he continues to stare.

'what?' i tilt my head.

'this is so fucking weird. someone is speaking to me.' he puts down his pen and turns his pad over.

'i know what you mean, I've spoken to two people other than nurses in here since i arrived.'

'how long have you been here?' he asks.

'two months, you?'

'two weeks or three, i don't know i haven't been really been counting.' he scratched his head and pushed himself up in his chair.

we spoke abit, i told him my name was sunny, and he told me his was will. he told me about his family, and his love for old vogue covers, especially the 1990's covers. he didn't tell me why he was here, i didn't tell him why i was either. i've thought about this a lot and i kind of see it that something happened to a teenager in the open world and they realised they weren't able for the big wide world, so we are sent to a big building where we are held captive until a person who has some sort of special degree decides we are better and we can leave. we are all here for the same reason, we aren't able to handle the open world.

the double doors open and Elizabeth walks in, a couple of people following behind dressed head to toe in their uniform. Elizabeth's grey-blonde hair was pulled away from her face, and she wore a floral top with some coffee coloured trousers. she held a pile of clipboards in her hands familiarly.

'good evening guys, just going to pop into you all..' she adjusts her clipboards, clearly distracted. 'how are you doing, zara?' she smiles at a younge blonde girl who gives Elizabeth a big grin and mumbles a great.

'i don't know if you guys have heard but we have some new nurses and i just wanted to introduce you all-' she looks into a phone in her hand and looks at the girl standing behind her. 'go ahead there, Alexandria.'

the nurse stands forward, her hair bleach blonde, and her eyes dark brown. her nurse uniform hugged her slim body and i frowned. she looked like she was in her early 20's, maybe 21. her face was flawless due to the amount of makeup on her face. it made me miss wearing makeup, we can't wear it in here.

'hi guys, my name is Alexandria, this is jaeyln, willa, harry, and Arlo.' she spoke, her accent thick. 'we're looking forward to looking after you all and getting to know you all. but for now, just treat us like we've been here all the time. thank you.' her smile beams across the room and she looks at Elizabeth. me, along with everyone with everyone else turn back around, un phased by alexandria's heroic speech.

i turn back to will and he has a smirk on his face. 'oh stop, don't get too turned on by the new nurses.' he looks at me and bursts into laughter.

'oh no, i'm looking at the boys.' he nods his head back to the door. 'look at them both.'

the two nurses catch my eye. the first looks nervous and he fiddles with his hands behind his back and steps out of the way. his brown hair looked near black on his bronzed skin. he looked around the room and his eyes dropped to me but he looked away as if he hadn't seen me staring. the other has bright blonde hair and olive skin, and i already know its the one will has his eye on.

'jesus, never seen anything like him.'

'the blonde one?'

'well both, but yeah especially him.' i focus my eyes on his cotton shirt as a pale blue name tag stands out.

'he's Arlo.' i look back at will, and smile. his hands are shaking slightly as he looks at the nurse. i ignore it.

'so the other must be harry.' will speaks.

'yeah.' i puff. 'harry.'