All I never wanted

Part 5

Eating in my kidnapper's presence wasn't only extremely awkward, it felt risky, too. For all I knew, he could suddenly pull a gun out of somewhere. I was so nervous that I could quite possibly manage to choke on my food. I doubted he would try to save my life if it came to that. He'd probably be overwhelmed with joy for getting himself rid of me.

"Is the soup any good?"

I just nodded, not wanting to eat and speak at the same time. I didn't do it to be polite but because I was too hungry to stop eating. He noticed it - like he noticed everything else - and laughed at me. I didn't bother to give any kind of response and took a bite of bread instead. I ate everything in about a minute. I probably behaved like a starved dog.

"Wow, you must have been really hungry," he commented. No shit! God, how I hated his annoying voice and his pointless remarks. He was definitely doing it on purpose to make me frustrated and he had been pretty successful so far. I knew showing him he was getting on my nerve was stupid but it was almost impossible to ignore him.

"Well, that's probably due to the fact that I haven't eaten in a few hours," I answered quite boldly, considering the position I was in. I didn't want to make him angry, I just resented him so much that I couldn't help myself.

The feeling was completely new. Like Beth was considered crazy and Claire dreamy, I was always the nice one. I never argued with anyone, never liked to gossip or be mean to other people. I hadn't cursed as much as I did today in my entire life. I had never even wanted to hit another person!

But that was different now. I almost felt like I wasn't myself anymore. If only my friends saw me! Who knew what I'd do to him if I wasn't so weak. I wanted to kick him so badly.

He didn't seem to mind my sarcasm.

"Are you done?"

"Yes," I said quietly. I put the dirty soup containter and bread package into the plastic bag, but I didn't know what to do with the spoon.

"Allow me," he mocked me and took it from my hand. His skin brushed mine for a second and I felt an unpleasant tingling feeling in my chest that made me shake. He gave me a funny look and took the trash out without saying another word. How embarassing!

It was actually quite confusing. I wasn't appalled, at least not at first. I wasn't exactly sure which emotion prevailed - shock, shame or something else. I certainly didn't enjoy it but I didn't want to hit him for that.

Did he do it on purpose? I didn't think so. He seemed just as taken by surprise as I was, but I had to remind myself that things weren't always as they seemed. I was naive and he might be just a really good actor.

I tried to gather my thoughts and be reasonable about my position.

I had been kidnapped by a complete stranger. I didn't know anything about him besides that he had robbed a jewelry shop. I didn't know where I was and I didn't know what he was planning to do with me.

Why was I not outraged by the fact that he touched me, then? I should be sick, but I wasn't. I should be crying my eyes out, for God's sake, but I was just sitting on the couch like everything was normal.

Maybe I'm going crazy.

I wasn't sure how I was supposed to feel. I had never been kidnapped before, so I had every right to be confused and act silly. But acting silly won't save you, so pull yourself together, Leah.

A small voice in my head decided I should just wait and see what happens next. I didn't have any say in the whole situation anyway. I could just hope that everything was going to be okay and maybe try to find a way to escape.

The only problem was that I had an unpleasant feeling that the experience might change me in a way I wouldn't like at all.