All I never wanted

Part 7

I was confused and didn't have a slightest idea what to do. Should I just forget everything he had said and done or try to fight him? Somehow I wasn't as afraid as I was at first but I had a strong feeling that everything could change back in a second. He wasn't going to let me defy him, even if he seemed quite alright now. Besides, I could never forget. Even if he let me go that instant.

"Are you going to st- ... I mean, take my bag?" I asked after a while. I didn't have much money and I didn't really care for it. I just didn't want him to take my personal stuff. My bag and everything in it was like a part of me.

"You're really weird, you know," he smirked. I didn't find it half as funny.

"Why is that?"

"You wanted to say 'steal' and then decided not to ... Avoiding to hurt my feelings, I suppose?"

Incredible. All I wanted to do was smack him right in his stupid, laughing face. I wanted to beat him and scratch his damn eyes out with my nails.

"You're an extraordinary case. I bet many psychologists would be interested in studying you," he continued, looking pleased with himself. He instantly made me forget the decision that I'd try to let everything go.

"And YOU are horrible!" I yelled before I could think what I was doing. "This is torture! Could you just stop being like that?"

"Like what? I thought I was really cool."

I realized he was doing it on purpose but it only made me more furious. I couldn't stop and I definitely couldn't calm down. I suddenly felt like I was on fire, everything became a blur and I launched myself at him.

"You idiot! You know exactly what I'm talking about! You're doing it to make me go crazy, I know it! Just admit it!" I sobbed and struggled to punch him.

He was stronger, so he quickly got hold of me and prevented my useless attempts from succeeding. Squeezing my hands together with one hand and keeping me at a safe distance with another, he inspected my face.

I tried to avoid his gaze but I couldn't. I was crying like crazy and I needed a handkerchief desperately but in that moment I would rather die than ask him for one. I tried to liberate my arms, wriggled a little and then gave up. Finally, I looked into his eyes.

I thought I'd just signed my own death sentence but he wasn't angry. He seemed ... taken aback.

There was a long minute of silence, mixed with occasional sobs. Then he cleared his throat.

"I better get you something to wipe those tears," he said awkwardly, freed me and left at once. I just fell down on the couch and kept weeping quietly. I didn't even go check if the door was unlocked.

My position was still the same when he returned with some paper towels and handed them to me. I took them reluctantly.

"Look ... I'm sorry that I kidnapped you," he began. I bet you are, I thought to myself. If it wasn't for me, he could just relax and count how much money he got.

"Why are you telling me this?" I interrupted him with emotionless voice and he gazed into my eyes. They weren't so cold anymore and I blinked surprisedly. He looked almost ashamed.

"I don't want to ... hurt you or anything ... You must know that ... This is the first time ... I've never been in this situation before ..."

He was talking with short pauses, as if it was really painful for him to say those things. I didn't care. I couldn't and I shouldn't. I closed my eyes so that I didn't have to look at him but I could still hear him, now pacing back and forth.

"I don't know exactly how to behave around ... well, you. Do you understand me?"

"No, because I've never held anyone hostage," I forced myself to answer coldly. Before he could continue, I added: "I've never robbed anyone, either."

"It wasn't my idea," he exclaimed desperately. The statement was so ridiculous that I looked at him instinctively, totally bewildered.

"Whose idea was it, then?"

It should be a rhetorical question. Actually, there should be no question - but I was confused. I knew he was a bad person, I just didn't know exactly how bad he was. I felt like I was going to be sick.

"Leah ..."

This one word felt like a slap in my face.

"Don't use my name! We're not on the same side! You're my enemy and I don't believe you! I DON'T BELIEVE YOU! And even if somebody was making you do all this, I still wouldn't feel sorry for you!"

"Fine," he retorted angrily, turned on his heel and left the room. He slammed the door so loudly that it made me jump and I felt blood rush to my head. I waited for him to come back, quite possibly with a gun or another deadly weapon, but he didn't. Everything was quiet. I had to admit to myself, I was afraid.

I tried to process everything that happened. He was mad at me but apparently he wasn't going to hurt me. It was so weird. I just yelled at him again and tried to fight him and he was angry for some completely different reason! I didn't even know why, exactly. What did his words mean? Was he really forced to rob stores and kidnap people?

That was what bothered me the most.

Don't be stupid, Leah. Of course he wasn't forced. He's just saying that so that ... he'd gain my compassion?

What the hell?! This was a stupid reason and also the only reason I could remember. It can't be that.

I hated having so many questions and no answers.

What was I supposed to do? I couldn't sleep, not after what just happend and especially not without the light on. The basement was creepy.

It would be the most horrible night of my life, I just knew.