#7 :: Everything I Want.

37) RIP

MASON

Today was my pops funeral and I wasn't going. I ain't taking my dads death well. I've been drinking and smoking everyday again, just to numb the pain.

I'm never going to see my pops again. I lost my son and dad all in these past 6 months. I haven't been looking about my kids, my businesses, nothing. If it wasn't for G and V I wouldn't even be eating.

"Mason why ain't you dressed?" Olivia asked me.

"I'm not going V.. Don't try talk me out of it. I already had the talk with G. I ain't going!"

Olivia didn't say a word. She opened my curtains having the light almost blind me.

"V!"

"Don't V me nothing! I thought you idolised yo dad? I thought everything you did was for him?"

"It. Was."

"Right.. So now you just gon stop because he's gone? You think he still ain't watching down on you? Infact he's watching down on you even more now than ever! You are the head of the family now! You gotta hold everybody down! Matthew is in bits! He done lost his father and now his brother! You won't talk to him? You're pushing everyone away! You don't do that! Your sisters have lost their father too! They need their big bro to tell them everything gon be alright even if it ain't! And don't get me started about yo momma! That lady has lost her best friend, her soul mate, her high school lover! Please don't think for a second it's just you!"

"I know it ain't!"

"So what's up? You got me and G, we got your back. I can take you to the river but I can't make you drink.."

"I can't do today.."

"Neither can your mother, she's saying just what you are. She ain't going, she don't want to say goodbye."

"Ma has to go.."

"And so do you! Look at this.. James is up there sad as hell knowing his WIFE and first child ain't going to his damn funeral. Now my painkillers are wearing off and I'm starting to get ignorant. You get yo butt in that shower because you stink, go and make you dreads look like you ain't on Americans most wanted and put on this damn suit I got for you. THEN.. Once you do that we gon drive to yo momma house and we gon do this together as a family!"

I look at V and cracked a smile. I knew she wasn't playing and had had enough of me. I did as I was told. I think her letting me know my Ma wasn't going pushed me to get up and go. I couldn't have her missing pops funeral even if that meant me having to go.

Once I was dressed I made my way downstairs where V was with Miracle and the boys.

"Now that's what I'm talking bout!" She said and winked at me.

I smiled. It was a while since Olivia had me like this. I was grateful she was here.

"Let's go" I said as I took the boys to the car.

When we arrived to my Ma house everyone was outside. The neighbourhood seemed to have come out for my pops. As I got out the car the first person I saw was Matthew, we had the longest bro hug; I felt bad that I had neglected him when he needed me the most.

"Sorry I ain't been here... I'm here now and Ima get us all through this." I said to him.

"You were grieving, like we all were, I'm just glad you're here now." Matthew said to me.

"Where's Ma?"

"In bed refusing to come and the carriage is coming in half hour."

"Make sure everything and everyone else is ready. I'll deal with Ma." I said as I went up into the house.

"MA HOW CAN YOU NOT WANT TO COME TO DADS FUNERAL??? ARE YOU STUPID OR SOMETHING?? DID YOU EVEN REALLY LOVE HIM?" I heard my sister Makayla say.

I took a deep breath before I went in there. As I opened the door I was greeted by Ma slapping Makayla in her face.

"Little girl if you think you gon talk to me like I ain't your mother you are mistaken! Of all days today you want to test me as if I won't put you in the ground right next to yo father! Don't pass yo place when you talk to me!"

"You slapped me?!" Makayla said shocked.

"Yo ass lucky that's all she did. Now get out."

"Ohhhh.. Look at this one! He wasn't coming now he's here. Managed to take yo head out the liquor bottle did you?"

"Unlike mum I won't slap you just the once. So know what's good for you and LEAVE!" I said to her.

She smacked her lips and left with Mariah right behind her.

"Now what's this bout you not coming to see your best friend off."

"Son.. I can't."

"Neither could I. Then I heard you won't going. Liv said how the hell is his wife and first child not gonna be there; and you know what? She's right. Ma, it's not gon be easy, infact its gonna be damn hard but that's what we are here for. To hold you down. We all got you Ma! I don't want to say goodbye but I reckon we would regret it if we didn't. Have you been outside? The whole neighbourhood is here for dad. We can't not go."

Ma looked at me.

"I'm not ready to say bye."

"Then don't. But still come to celebrate his life."

"Will you be there? By my side? The whole time?"

"If that's what you want..."

"Yes please."

"Okay now you get ready and I'll be outside."

"Get Mariah and Gabby in here please." Ma asked before I left.

I went downstairs where my brother and sisters were.

"Ma wants you G and Mariah."

"What about me?" Makayla said with her hand on her hip.

I closed the door after the girls left and grabbed Mariah in her throat.

"What the fuck about you?"

"MASON!" Olivia shouted.

I ignored her.

"You.. You always been disrespectful! I don't know why but what I do know is it stops today. After today I'm done with you. So the money I used to give you I hope you been saving and not spending because if you have you gon have to get a J O B or pray daddy got some money left for you. If I ever.. Hear you talk to Ma like that again I may just forget you my sister!" I said before letting her go.

"FUCK YOU MASON!! I WISH IT WAS YOU THAT WAS DEAD INSTEAD OF DAD!!" Makayla said as she ran off crying.

About twenty minutes later Ma was ready and her and the girls came downstairs.

"Glad to see you dressed Ma." Matthew said.

Ma winked at him. We all hugged each other. My aunt came in and said a prayer before we went outside. As soon as my Ma saw everyone she broke down. Ma cried the whole day. It broke my heart. We all cried. It was so hard. Even when they put him in the ground. That was the hardest part. He was buried right next to King so it brought back so much emotions.

By the end of the day I was shattered. It had been a long day. A day full of emotions. And by the end of it I still felt I didn't have closure.

I just couldn't believe my dad was gone...