Scarred

9. Letting go

Dan

A few days later, Phil took me to the meadow again. We lay there in the grass, under the tree. Phil sat up straight, his back against the tree trunk again, and I laid my head in his lap. On my chest lay his right hand, holding mine and his left hand on my hair, stroking it.

Again, we were silent, but we didn't mind. 

I looked up at Phil and saw him already looking at me. "Phil?" I asked and I knew that he knew exactly what I wanted. He bent forward until our lips touched. It wasn't just a kiss: it was too passionate to be 'just a kiss'.

I started to unbutton his blouse. He giggled and dropped his head even lower, causing me to kiss his nose. Nice one, Dan.

"Dan, we're in a meadow! We can do that at home," Phil said, still giggling.

"Oops..." I said, and we both burst into laughter.

 

Phil

I was glad he was laughing. He felt better the last few days. He hadn't been cutting himself anymore and he smiled more often.

"You know, Dan," I said, "I brought my iPod with me for a reason."

I could see the fear in his eyes, afraid of what I was planning, and definitely not trusting me. I turned up the volume when I pressed 'play'. It was absolutely not the kind of music we usually listened to, and I thought Dan would consider it a fool's music.

"O my god, Phil," Dan said with a laugh, "This is the silliest music I have ever heard."

I smiled. "I know, but don't you feel like dancing?"

Dan's eyes widened so much I thought his eyeballs would fall out of their sockets.

"Excuse me?" he said, his voice full disbelief.

"You heard me," I said.

"You... you want me to dance?"

"Yes."

"That's not going to happen, Phil," he said.

"Oh, okay, fine," I said, "But then we won't be doing that thing tonight you wanted to do here in the meadow a few minutes ago when you were unbuttoning my shirt." I smiled at him.

I saw doubt in his eyes. "That's not fair," Dan said and he smiled back.

I stood up, and after a few more seconds of doubting, Dan stood up too. "I'm going to regret this for ever."

We danced to the silly music, in the silliest way we could. I didn't care if I looked stupid. Dan was laughing and that was enough for me. I would do anything for Dan.

Suddenly, a slow song started to play. I hadn't noticed we were dancing for such a long time that my playlist had ended. I reached out my hand and said: "May I have this dance?"

Dan laughed and blushed, but took my hand.

It was one of the most awkward moments ever, but at the same time it was perfect.

 

Dan

I decided to let it all go. My worries, my pain, my sorrow. I was living right here, right now and nothing seemed to matter anymore.

We became one with the song, the stupid dance and with each other. We continued until the song ended and I couldn't help but smile at the most wonderful person in my life.