Guardian Angel

Chapter 30

Author's Note:

How are my favorite people? Yeah, whatever you're feeling will change after this chapter. This is the last one, but don't freight, an epilogue is still to come! Expect it around Thursday. Do you remember when I told you there was something different about this story? Have you figured it out yet? PM me if you have. Otherwise I'll tell you at the end of the epilogue. You guys are awesome,

Devin4862

I didn't get much sleep leading up to Thursday. Mom said I didn't have to go to school at all that week, but I insisted upon going Wednesday. At least if I was at school it was eight hours I wouldn't be cooped up in my room. Thursday however, I couldn't go to school.

I slept in, well laid in bed for an extra couple hours, before putting on a black dress my mom had bought me when we got back from New York. After a silent car ride, I stand in front of an old church, letting the winter breeze play with the hem of my skirt. A moment later I walk up the steps and through the large doors keeping my eyes on my black flats.

One deep breath and I lift my head. The church is fairly empty. I thought I should be here early, although I dreaded the funeral. For some reason this finally feels like it's all real.

In the front, next to an alter full of flowers, large pictures of Lula, and a casket, are Mr. and Mrs. Thompson along with a few people I've never met. My eyes freeze on the casket and I have to push myself forward.

Mrs. Thompson is the first to look my way and she meets me halfway as I walk down the aisle. She wraps me up in a hug, and I don't hesitate to hug her back before letting her lead me to the front. I let out a small sigh of relief when I realize she is taking me to the people and not to the polished wooden casket.

Mr. Thompson hugs me before I'm introduced to the other people in the group. I smile as Mrs. Thompson announces me as the godmother of Jude who now I notice is fast asleep in a stroller next to the eldest woman. That particular woman happens to be Mrs. Thompson's mother. I also meet her sister, Jessica, and her father. Mr. Thompson's brothers both shake my hand, but smiles are hard to come by in this gathering.

Eventually, more people come and I decide to face my fear and say goodbye to Lula. I step up to the small casket. They shouldn't have to make caskets that small, is the first thought to run through my head, but as I near the wooden box my mind is overwhelmed. With her hands resting on top of her stomach, it's almost fair to say she could be sleeping if not for the stiff positioning. Her skin looks sickly pale, but still a more settling color that the green hue which had overtaken her skin during her last few days.

When I think about the last time I saw her, tears run down my face. I can't take my eyes off of her though. Through my tears, I focus on the differences. Her cheeks are more flushed than they had ever been in life, her lips more pink. Each is brought out more by the light pink dress she wears.

A hand is placed on my shoulder, but even now, I can't pull my watery eyes from the motionless girl. "Remember her as she was, not how she is," Blake's voice is rough, as if he is trying to hold back tears of his own. I nod finally tearing my eyes away and burying my face in the crook of his neck as I hug Blake. "Have you figured out your speech yet?" He knows very well that last night I still had no idea what I was going to say. Heck, I don't even know what I'm going to say now. I shake my head against his collar bone. He nods slowly. "You don't have to do it you know."

"I know," I squeak, muffled by Blake's black shirt. "But everyone deserves to know how brave she was during her last days." Blake nods, and we continue to hold each other for a while longer before I pull away. "Do you mind if I have a moment alone with her?" He nods and walks away. I turn, once again facing the alter and step forward.

Looking down at her small body so still, I get the urge to reach out and touch her hand, just to insure that Lula actually is lying in front of me. I look around quick to see if anyone is watching before setting my hand on top of her small ones. They're cold, much like they always were. I suppose it had something to do with her circulation.

I notice a tuft of orange next to her elbow. I lean in closer and recognize it as her lion hat. Without thinking, I reach into my jacket and pull out my own hat, swiftly switching them. Surely no one will notice. With the hat safely in my pocket, I kiss my fingers and rest them on her cheek. The feeling below my fingertips is foreign. I have to swallow back tears to get out a small whisper, "goodbye Lula."

There aren't too many people in the church, but more than I expected for a four year old. Quite a few doctors and nurses came. Lula was well liked at the hospital. I cry as the priest talks about death and how the death of a small child is very hard, but together we must overcome it. My mom tries to hand me tissues from beside me and hug me, but I push her away. She didn't know Lula the way I did and I don't understand why I have to hide my tears.

Blake puts a hand on my forearm which rests lazily over my lap. This relaxes me, and the anger I didn't know was inside of me disappears. I place my other hand over his as we both listen intently, trying not to think about the memories that want to flood back.

After a while, I get a nod from the priest and stand up on my shaky legs. At the top of the steps, he introduces me and gives me a hug. This one I accept, perfectly aware of the number of eyes on my back. I walk to the podium and grip the sides for dear life. Looking out at the crowd ahead of me, almost everyone is sniffling with watery eyes.

"I spent most of the last few days, trying not to think of all the memories I have of Lula," I begin talking before I even know what I'm saying, "but that's ridiculous." The group in front of me seems taken aback, so I focus on one person sitting in the church. I small smile plays on his lips. "I know I knew Lula for less time than most of you here, but they were the most meaningful months of my life and the memories just keep rushing back to me no matter how many times I push them away." Blake nods, my eyes still stuck on him. I know he too has been fighting with the memories. Since New York, we've talked every day, mostly about Lula. "I figure there will probably never be a better place to let these emotions overcome me than right here, in front of the people Lula loved.

"The first time I met her, she ran right up to me and started talking and I thought 'haven't her parents told her not to talk to strangers?' After I got to know her better, I realized that whether or not June and Tom told Lula to stay away from strangers, she was impossible to control." I smile a bit as the tears rush to fall down my face. I don't hurry to brush them aside. Instead, I let them drip off my chin and onto the podium in front of me.

"I knew Lula only for the last couple months of her life, but she was the bravest, happiest, most outgoing person I have ever met. To always have the energy she had is probably the hardest thing I can think of, because hospitals drain energy quicker than a gym." Blake's smile grows showing his impossibly white teeth.

"Even in her last few days," I can feel my slight smile shrink away, "she would jump in her bed when I came to visit her. She would never complain about the pain that racked her body, although I know it was there. One time, somewhere around the time I first met her, she told me her body didn't like what the doctors were doing. Lula was unbelievably smart. She knew what was happening, but she wasn't afraid. She wasn't afraid of death and she knew it was a very possible outcome. Lula's biggest fear was being a bad sister." I hear a few awes from the congregation, but continue on.

"She was so afraid, that she made me promise to be Jude's big sister. Of course I said yes, but I always knew I wouldn't be as good as Lula. I guess we will never know how fantastic of a big sister she would have been, but we all know that Jude will have the best guardian angel."

Full Copyright 2013 Edited 16th December, 2014