Terminal

Miracle

Miracle.
That's what they called me. They told me I was strong, I told them I was just lucky. I was diagnosed with Leukemia last year when I was nineteen. I wasn't able to do most things I had loved doing. I was a competitive dancer from the age of six up until I was diagnosed. I couldn't keep dancing because it put strain on me. I was also a runner and thrower. I loved working out and keeping busy but all of that stopped a year ago. I've lost forty pounds which puts me at ninety five pounds. I barely sleep, I barely eat, I get nose bleeds whenever I'm stressed. My life kinda sucks but I keep going. "Hey, what's got you down?" Karlie asks. "Nothing, I'm just thinking" I sip my soda while she sips some alcoholic beverage. "Well cheer up. at a bar, with cute guys all around us and a cool band is playing. Just enjoy yourself." She smiles and throws her arms up. "That's kinda hard when we're not all supermodels" I point out. Karlie Kloss. Supermodel for Victoria Secret and Vogue. She also just happens to be my best friend. "You're just as beautiful as I am" She tries to say. I just shrug and sip more of my soda. "He seems to think so at least" I follow her gaze to an attractive boy across the bar. He had a nose ring and red hair. I couldn't help but stare into his eyes. They were so alluring. I realize what I'm doing and look down, my face heating up. The next time I look up, he's gone. "I'm going to go to the bathroom" Karlie excuses herself. A moment later, the beautiful man is sat beside me. "May I just say you are one beautiful girl" He smiles a smile that makes his eyes squint. I can't help but smile back. "Thank you" I feel the blush creeping onto my cheeks. "You look cute when you blush" He adds, causing me to blush more. I sip my soda and wipe my hands on my jeans nervously. "How old are you?" he asks. "I'm twenty, turning Twenty one tomorrow actually, and you?" I get so awkward around guys. "Well happy almost birthday, and I am twenty eight" I nod my head and awkwardly sip my drink. "Can I ask you a question?" I nod my head and look him in the eyes. He's probably going to comment on my weight. "What kind of music do you like?" I lick my lips, grateful he didn't comment on my weight. "Anything that has a good beat and a deep meaning. You?" "Anything I can play to" "Oh, what do you play?" I watch his lips move as he speaks. The music and yelling in the bar subsided as we spoke to each other. We learned that we both love music, and we both hate the beach. He was born in Columbus, Ohio. He has two sisters and a brother. He also taught himself how to play drums. We just talked for what felt like hours. And as the time ticked away, I felt more and more comfortable around him. But Karlie eventually came back. "I'm ready to leave" She mumbles. "Oh okay" Josh stands up and helps me off my stool. He steadies me before letting go. He grabs a napkin and asks the bartender for a pen. "I want to see you again. How about coffee?" He offers "I don't like coffee but I like hot chocolate. So yes" What's the harm in going out to a public place? "Okay. Well here's my number, text me when you get the chance" He hands me the napkin and I tuck it into my pocket. "Will do" I give him a genuine smile, something that I haven't done in months. He returns it with one of his eye squinting smiles. "Well I guess I'll talk to you later" He opens his arms for a hug. My heart pounds against my chest. He's going to feel how frail I am. I hug him anyways. He gives me a squeeze and it just about breaks me but at the same time, feels protective. We pull away and smile again before I follow Karlie out of the bar. We climb into her car and she hounds me with questions.

After Karlie dropped me off at my house, I stopped in the kitchen to tell my mom I was home. "How was your night?" She asks, standing by the coffee pot. My mom can drink coffee whenever wherever. It's kind of disturbing actually. "Good. I met a guy" I mumble, grabbing my pills out of the cabinet. "Oh?" She tries to act unhappy but you can see the smile playing on her lips. "He's twenty eight and we're going for coffee one day this week" I down my pills and put my water cup in the sink. "He seems a bit old for you" She voices her concerns. "Mom, I'm an adult. I'm turning twenty one tomorrow. I can handle myself. And he's really a gentleman" I cross my arms and lean against the island. She nods her head before giving me a smile. "I'm going to take a shower and go to bed" I head up the stairs to my room. I get stopped in the hallway by my brother. "Did I hear you talking about a boy?" He leans against his doorframe. "And why would that concern you?" I bite my lip smiling. "She's totally crushing on someone" My younger sister says from her room. I roll my eyes and continue walking to my room. "And yes, I am talking to someone" I close my door behind me as I listen to my siblings freaking out. I smile as I pick out pajamas before going to my bathroom to shower. I turn the shower on to warm up while I undress. I throw my clothes into my hamper and set my blonde wig on the sink counter. I step into the shower and evaluate my new bruises. Leukemia makes your skin so sensitive, you bleed, bruise and scratch so easily. I noticed a new bruise on my upper arms. Probably from Josh's hug, I assume. I wash quickly before stepping out and drying off. I look at myself in my mirror. You can see my ribs and hip bones. I am so underweight and it's terrible. I used to have a beautiful body shape. I was comfortable with the way my body looked; thicker thighs, smaller waist, bigger bust, round butt. I shake my head and get dressed. I remember I put Josh's number in my jeans pocket so I fish them out of my hamper and grab the napkin. I shut the light off and head into my room. I plop my butt onto my bed and unfold the paper. I grab my phone and type it into a new message. 'Hey. I just got home and showered. Didn't want you to think I didn't want to message you' I hit send before crawling under my blankets and shutting my lamp off. My room goes black. I just lay there waiting for my phone to buzz in my hand. It goes off and I unlock it. 'I know you want to message me ;)' I roll my eyes and smile. 'Oh well fine. I'll just stop messaging you then' My phone buzzes shortly after. 'I was just kidding!' I smirk 'so was I'

"Wake up sunshine. You have an appointment today" My mom rubs my head. "I don't want to go" I groan, rolling over. "Late night kick your butt?" She asks, standing up. "Yeah. I was texting with him until three" I sit up and rub my eyes. "Young love, now get up" She smiles before walking to the door. "Mom, I'm twenty one" I say, slowly standing up, my bones aching. "You're young. Live it up while you can" She closes the door quietly. Time for yet another doctor's visit where they continuously tell me I'm a miracle.