Indira [Completed]

two ; the day i would spend crying

After reading and re-reading those last four words I had sent to him until my dark irises clouded over with judgment and hatred, more for myself than for him, I finally closed my eyes and let a single tear slip out from the crook of my eye before hastily wiping it from my cheek. I was sitting on the couch in Alice O'Kelley's living room as I considered my next drunken move, feeling a dull yet growing sense of rejection and disappointment in the pit of my abdomen.

"Hey," Alice began, poking her blonde head around the door, eyes closed for some reason, "Are you done changing?"

"Not changing," my voice was hoarse, sounding foreign. I cleared my throat before she could pick up on the grieving tone in my words, "Just sitting."

"You okay?" she checked, her eyebrows drawing together out of worry.

I had already managed to ruin my own night. I wasn't going to the same thing to my best friend by dredging up the last hour of my life all over again, so instead, I did what any good person would do. I feigned a tight-lipped smile, eyes shining, more from tears than happiness but she didn't know that, and gave her a firm nod, "I'm great. It was a really good night."

"It was, wasn't it?" she said wistfully, coming inside and pushing the sofa on the other side of the room towards the one I was sat on, "Kyle started talking to me again. He was asking about uni and we realised we both applied to Exeter. I mean, can you imagine if Kyle Hutton and I end up at uni together? No, it's never going to happen. Too lucky, and you know I don't believe in that."

"I know," I echoed thoughtlessly, throwing my phone into my bag and turning back to look at my best friend as she admired her handiwork after simply putting two sofas together to make a sort of double bed for us to sleep on for the night.

"What's wrong with you?" Alice looked genuinely worried for me now as she eyed me up and down, trying to look for tell-tale signs of what had happened, "Come on, Ind, I'm your best mate. You can tell me anything, you know that."

I debated it for a second, then remembered that if I was going to tell her the whole story, that meant telling her everything. Including the fact the boy I had spent months convincing myself I didn't even like, let alone love didn't return those same feelings for me, but in fact felt that way for another one of her friends. Then what was stopping Alice from telling Calla on a night out where I wasn't there to control her slurred speech? Alice didn't have a filter on her vocabulary most days and when she had had one vodka cooler too many, that trait didn't vanish, it intensified. No, I couldn't risk that. I already ran the possibility of Finn telling his friends about this, he still had the text messages to prove it, so no one would even believe me if I tried to plead insanity. They would all have a huge laugh at me, Finn, James, Regan, any of the others who felt the need to diminish a girl to alleviate themselves and I would be there, playing the victim in the corner, while I waited for it all to die down.

"Ind?" she asked again, gently prodding me with her fingertips as they pressed the skin on my wrist.

I eased myself away from her grip and shook my head, tightening my smile in an attempt to convince her. The corners of my mouth started to crack as the mask slipped, although the skin on my lips stretched, starting to hurt, "I'm fine," I managed to say in a dying whisper, sniffing audibly to stop myself from breaking down into tears right then and there, "Just...tired."

"Hmm," her eyes narrowed at me in suspicion, then she took hold of my shoulders and held me at arm's length, almost inspecting my face, "Babe, do you want some make-up wipes? You look a mess."

"Thanks, Liss," I choked out a laugh, "Can always count on you to make me feel better."

Alice bit down on her lower lip, as though she almost instantly regretted the words, "No, I didn't mean it like that. You look a little tired too. I mean, not very. You still look great from the night. Just a little worn out," she let out a sigh, trying to continue as I watched on, "Not worn out, per se, just like you've been through a lot tonight."