obsession

six

It's Friday afternoon when the doorbell rings. When Jane says its for me, my stomach jumps and all I can think of is Kieran. 

But when I go downstairs and open the front door, it's Steven, standing there.

Steven, with brown, messy hair, standing at my height. His eyes are blue. He was my first kiss. His lips tasted like cinnamon. After our kiss, we swore we would never tell anyone, or ever do it again. I ended up telling Margot anyway, and the three of us ended up eating lunch together.

The first thing he said when he sat down was- "Ladies, I'm gay."

We loved him.  

"Steven?" I ask. "Hey! What're you doing here."

He smiles. "I haven't seen you since school ended. I had nothing to do today, so I dropped by."

We engulf each other in one big bear hug. Steve was always the bigger kid, always tall and a little bit chubby. Hugging him was like hugging a huge teddy bear. He gave the best hugs- and nobody should ever miss the opportunity. 

"Come in! It's hot as hell outside," I say, and we go inside and flop down on the couch.

"So, Margot told me about your new... Boy." He gives me a wink and I roll my eyes.

"That girl really can't keep secrets, huh?"

He pretends to look pained. "Hey, I thought there were no secrets between the three of us. Anyway, where are your parents?"

"They went out for brunch with Ezra. I have the house to myself today."

He opens his mouth. "I'm so sorry I came! You could've had an empty house with your boyfriend? I'm an awful friend."

I smack him on his arm. "Kieran is not my boyfriend."

"Ooh," he giggles. "Kieran is a cute name."

Suddenly, there's three loud knocks at the door. The kind of knock that you have to make with your fist, not with your knuckles. 

"Who's that?" Steve asks.

"I have no idea," I reply. I begin to get nervous. I get up and look through the peekhole. 

I see Kieran and immediately whip open the door. "Kieran! Hey-"

"What's going on?" He asks. It takes me a moment to notice that he's red in the face, and he's breathing hard, like he ran. His eyebrows furrow together. 

"What?" I ask. "Why are you mad?"

"Who's the boy that came over?" He asks. "Why are you alone with a boy?"

I'm almost speechless at his outburst, and I struggle to find words. "Wh-What? That's my friend, Steven..."

Steven takes his cue to come over and smiles widely at Kieran. "Hi! You're the famous Kieran! Tate's boyfriend."

I go red in the face and look down, still confused.

Kieran stops breathing so hard. "Yeah, that's me. You're friends?"

"Sure are!" Steven throws an arm around me and I want to tell him not to. The look in Kieran's eyes burns so powerfully I almost think he's going to beat him up. My heart pounds hard. "Been friends for the longest time now!"

Kieran pushes between us rudely, and replaces Steven's arm with his, pulling her close. He frowns at Steven. I want to walk away. I want to ask him what his problem is. Why he's so mad. How he knew I was alone... And how he knew Steven came.

Steven raises an eyebrow. "Um. I didn't mean to..." But he stops talking after he can't find the words to say.

"Kieran," I finally manage to say out loud. I move out from under his arm- as good as it feels, it feels so wrong in this moment- "Why are you so mad? This is my best friend."

Kieran frowns harder. "Yeah, okay. But why would you be alone with a boy in the house? I don't care if he's your friend. Anything can happen?"

Steven stands so awkwardly that I begin to feel immensely uncomfortable for him. I have no idea what to say other than, "Can we not do this like, right now?"

Then Steven goes, "You know what? Maybe I should leave, anyway. My mom probably is wondering where I am. I just wanted to stop by and say hi, Tate."

"Steven, no," I frown. "Wait."

"No, really! It's okay," Steven assures me, and steps forward like he's going to hug me, but quickly changes his mind. He pats my head and smiles brightly, and my heart aches for him. He walks out of the front door and towards his car.

As if nothing had happened in the first place, as though it was just another day, Kieran smiles brightly. "So I wanted to stop by and hang out. Do you want to do anything today? The weather is insanely good."

Although shy and non-confrontational, I feel my blood go hot. "Wh-What the hell is your problem?"

His eyebrows raise. "Huh?"

"You just... You come in here like you own me or something, and practically kick my childhood friend out? What is wrong with you?"

He sighs. "I'm sorry. I'm... I'm just really sorry."

My shoulders ease. Only slightly.

He keeps speaking. "I just got worried, y'know? I was at my window, getting ready to paint the lake, when I saw a boy come to your door and just hug you. And then you go inside alone. I was worried... I was... I was jealous."

I almost want to blush and giggle at the fact that he's jealous of me. That he likes me, and has something to be jealous for. But it doesn't sit right. I don't say anything.

"And when I saw your parents' car gone, I just..." He sighs. "I got nervous for you."

He walks towards me, but I don't move. he sighs again and hugs me, burying his head into my hair. I feel so lightheaded I almost fall, so I grab onto him. He smells like fresh laundry, and cologne, and my heart is pounding so hard. I could stay there forever. I breathe in and breathe out into his t-shirt, and feel his arms surrounding me, and everything is okay again. 

"I'm sorry, Tate," he mumbles, and nestles his face into my hair again. He makes a sound from the back of his throat when he does that sends shivers down my spine. 

"It's okay, Kieran," I whisper back, and move closer, because he can't see my face, and I breathe in his scent. I could fall asleep right there. 

"I just..." he continues, his deep voice vibrating into my head. "I like you so much... You have no idea."

"I like you, too," I whisper, and bury my head deeper into his chest, wrapping my arms along his back. The noise from his throat comes back again, and I want to hear it, over and over and over. I want to replay it in my head forever- how it makes the bottom of my stomach spread and feel on fire. 

"I think.... It's more than just liking you, Tate."

I want to scream, I want to laugh, I want to dance around my living room. 

When we break apart, his cheeks are flushed and he looks so soft, I want to run my fingertips along his skin. He leans down and kisses my cheek this time, and I almost explode from the tension. His lips are so close to my mouth, all I have to do is turn... I begin to turn my head...

"Tate!" My father calls from outside. "Come help carry in some things!"

We break away fast and Kieran's eyes widen, like a deer in headlights.

"Back door, back door, back door!" I whisper, and he runs. He disappears so quickly it was like he was never there in the first place.

I didn't realize how I had been sweating, and when I step out into the sticky summer heat, it gets worse.

"Did you go for a run, sweetie?" Jane laughs a little bit, hugging me. "You're pouring sweat! You're all red. Like a tomato."

"Tomato face!" Ezra exclaims, taunting me.

"Oh, beat it," I yell at him, making a fist. He screeches playfully and runs into the house.