Selfish: scorch trials

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Oh no it's happening again. When we lost Livy I shut myself out, I only managed to be strong for Emma. Now I have nothing, I sit in a corner of the building we are using for shelter. I'm not hungry, so I don't eat I just blankly stare at the crumbly wall. I begin to hum a random tune before realizing it was something Emma used to hum. I don't stop then begin fiddling with my hair without thinking I have it parted like Emma did.
"Look I understand it's hard losing someone but I'm here," Newt said in an all too familiar voice.
I laugh bitterly and say, "you think it would be easier a second time," I say my voice cracks.
He hugs my shaking figure until I calm down.
"You don't have to answer but what do you mean second time," Newt asks?
All I say is, "I was brought into the world with two sisters and now I don't have anyone.Newt whispers,"you have me."
That is all I needed to hear I hug him if it wasn't for him I'm not sure I would be able to talk. I lean in and kiss him on the cheek, he blushes and I smile. Wow y/n that was a very Emma move. That's when it hit me, we look the same maybe I can keep her essence alive. I refuse to live in a world without her.
Newt's p o v
Y/n was a mess, I couldn't blame her she lost her twin. She was acting odd not like herself. Everyone deals with grief in their own ways. She has lost two sisters in her life.
Sonya's p o v
First I lose Livy who was my best friend now Emma. I can't lose y/n the way I lost her when she lost Livy. She stopped talking and eating for a long time and she hasn't been really happy until she met Newt. In fact she was acting like Emma. I think I know what she is doing because I know her.
Time skip 2 days later
Your p o v
I smile as I place my hair the way Emma would. I slip on a pair of black jeans and a large gray t shirt I throw on my converse. Wow, Emma would wear this outfit, sometimes it's like she never left. Enough of that I'm still me but I'm sick of it.
A tear slips from my eye, I'm still me.
Newt notices and asks me what's wrong.
"I'm tired of being me. Not like I want to die but like I want to not be myself," I say.
Newt answers, "ok, let's say you aren't you, then that leaves Sonya and Harriet without a reason to smile, it leaves everyone here without motivation; it leaves everyone without someone to care."
I'm to tired I reply, "I don't care about everyone, I get to be selfish now."
"Do you care about me," Newt asks?
As much as I don't want to I do and simply nod.
"If it wasn't for you being you I don't think I'd have the will to live," he says with such a calm straight face.
I gasp I won't let him think like this I give him a hug and he tells me all about when he was depressed in the maze. I can't keep any secrets I tell him about what I know and how I worked for wicked. I expect him to hate me but he just hugs me and like that for once I drift off into an actually nice sleep.