Avengers Smut/Fluff

Bucky Barnes- Memories

Summery: Reader is in her depressed state due to her past. Her brain keeps making her re-live everything, and everyone helps make her feel better. But when none of that works, Bucky steps in and just holds her to him and cuddle.

Warning: Depression, angst. (I'M SORRY I'LL DO A DIFFERENT PERSON NEXT TIME.)

You couldn't help as the thoughts races your head, making you dizzy. All you were doing was looking out the window in the living room of the Avengers Tower. You were born and raised to kill people, and Steve had helped you find your humanity. You remembered every single person you killed since you were 6.

No one noticed your face fall and your eyes stare into nothing. They didn't notice that you had stopped laughing or how you stopped talking to them all. You got up and walked to your bedroom, shutting the door and letting the tears go. Your body shook quietly as you walked to a corner by your bed, facing away from everyone as you let the memories overtake you.

You didn't notice everyone yelling on the other side of your door, you didn't even remember locking it. You felt numb, out of your body as you just let your muscles do whatever. You felt yourself being carried and sat down, and you told your muscles to keep you sitting up. You heard muffled voices as you remembered killing a little girl, more tears escaping your mind.

You knew that Bruce was examining you, this was the first time it had happened in front of everyone. No one knew of the guilt and sadness you felt. After a few days you began talking and eating again, but everyone payed attention to how your eyes were a little bit more dull then the last time they saw them.

It had been a few weeks and you all finally got SHIELD back into the way it was. Bucky stayed, and Steve had introduces you two. He noticed how dull your eyes still looked, but Steve's lit up. Your eyes were less dull when you talked to Bucky. You were finally getting back to where you were and getting happier.

But then something bad happened.

You were out walking in the autumn afternoon. You saw a little girl and smiled, but it felt like slow motion as her ball went into the street, and she went after it. A car hit her, sending her body into the air as you ran to her.

You kept other people away as someone called 911. The little girl was crying and you had her hold your hand as you carefully picked her up as you heard the sirens. She looked right into your eyes as she died, the light draining from her eyes. The police questioned everyone and you answered them, the girl's blood all over your clothes.

As you sprinted back to the Tower all you could see was when you murdered that little girl when you were 6. Your mind blurred the old and new memory, and you rushed to the top of the Tower where the helicopters would land. You fell to your knees as you gasped for air, doing your best to not throw yourself off the edge. You heard multiple footsteps behind you, and Tony questioning why there was blood all over you.

"Girl...hit by a car...dead..." was all you could get out before you let out the most heart grabbing sob, and you felt a human and metal arm wrap around you. "(Y/N) listen to me. Look into my eyes. It was not your fault, the car that hit the girl killed her. That wasn't you, what you did before wasn't you. I know that you're not okay right now, and that's okay. I'm not going to say it gets better, just that it's okay that you feel this sadness." You calmed down and held yourself up with your hands on his arms.

He picked you up and carried you inside to his bedroom, helping you out of your clothes and was not awkward about it. He started the bath and had you sit in as he put your hair up in a ponytail, washing your body and getting rid of the blood. He had Natasha put your clothes in the wash, and he was focused on you.

You just sat there as he stood up and put on soft, calming music. He came back and got back onto his knees as he washed your back. You just closed your eyes and let him wash you, calming you back down. What took the team weeks to do, he was doing in a matter of minutes. "You're calming down faster because the same thing happens to me. No one understands, and I guess they just let you be when what you need is for someone to hold you and make sure you're taking care of yourself." He knew so much. You just nodded, and he understood.

When he rinsed off the soap from you, he told you to stand up and he drained the tub. He got one of his huge towels and covered your body, guiding you out and getting you your own underwear and one of his shirts to wear. He dried your body and help you into your clothes. He then guided you back into his bedroom, setting you on the bed and moving the curtains to let the light in. When you wined, Bucky came over to you and smoothed your hair.

"I know, I know (Y/N) but you have to let the light in." He said, and he crawled in the bed next to you and covered you both. You turned over to have your face in his chest, your arms wrapped around his middle as he wrapped his strong arms around you, holding you to his chest. The soft music still played, and you both were starting to fall asleep. You finally felt okay.