Another Way Around

Chapter Nineteen

The life I thought was wonderful didn’t last.

Two years passed and the job I used to love bored me now. It’s been two years and I still didn’t get an opportunity in a publishing company. Though I wanted to resign because this job really tires me due to lack of challenges, I just can’t. It’s hard to look for a job nowadays. The economy don’t work so well, companies were closing, the industry was in its dark era and people get less interested in making a try on new writers.

So here I am again in front of my mirror.

Saying stupid things on myself.

“You tried-but-not-enough-TRY-HARDER”

I left the house carrying my lazy body to work.

 As I enter the office, Ericka greeted me, “Good morning Gabrielle”.

I wanted to answer “What’s so good in the morning? What’s so good being here in the first place? I don’t belong here. I’m not born to advertise and write in a magazine convincing people that life is like this and life is like that so you should have this and you should have that. I’m sick and tired of waiting for an open opportunity, I’m sick and tired of the emptiness I feel inside because I can’t do the things I believe I am born to do, I’m sick and tired to gain self-worth and most of all I’m sick and tired to face the fact that no matter how much I tried, I’m such a loser but I can’t do anything about it!”

I want to say that to her. But of course that will make me stupid. It is not Ericka who will get hurt but me. It will be painful to hear that from myself so I just replied “Good morning too”

Gino went to our office during lunch break. He brought me some lunch.

“Gab, it’s already 12:15 take a break”

“No, I’ll just eat later, I need to finish this,” I replied without looking at him focusing on my computer.

“It won’t take you long to eat your lunch, just give it a minute,” he insisted.

“No, I really need to finish this; I’ll eat that later, thank you.”

“Gab, you don’t need to do that to yourself”

“And who are you to tell me what to do with myself?,” I said facing him, sounding angry.

“Gab I’m just concern”

I breathe deep.

I’m getting frustrated. And I’m afraid I’m starting to lose my control over the words I utter.

“I’m sorry Gino. Let’s just talk after work. I’m just having a bad day.”

“Ok. I’ll just pick you up after work”

Then he left.

After office hours, he picked me up. He bought food and we ate at Ever Park.

That memorable Park.

“Later this morning, many people came to my Studio for a shoot. Some booked me for their events. Birthdays, anniversaries, and my favorite, weddings,” he said while eating his pizza.

“That’s good”

I’m happy for Gino at the same time I envied him. He worked for his Uncle Ben for six months, then after that he already had a Studio of his own. He is already known as a great photographer. He earned much better than me and he is way successful than me.

Even my college friends were already making their careers on top. Kate already published two novels from a well known publishing company, Leslie teaches Literature in a good University in the city and Justine is now an Editor-in-Chief in San Diego Times. I feel so left alone, I graduated with honors and here I am in a small advertising company and getting an average wage. I feel I am already hundred steps behind from all of them. Even Matea, she is now working on a prestigious Physical Science Laboratory in England. Thinking about these things, it really made me frustrated.

“Hey anything wrong with you?,” Gino asked.

“No I’m fine.”

“I know there is something wrong.”

“I’m just sick of my life, two years passed and still, I can’t make anything good.”

“You can make it. It just takes time.”

“Time?? I can’t afford to wait any longer!,”

 I’m starting to burst into my emotions again. Something I really hate.

“Take it easy Gab, I can help you, just tell me what I need to do.”

“No Gino, thanks. Jake will help me.”

“Jake?,” he asked.

A long paused.

“Yes. Maybe it’s time for you to know. We are now together.”

“Since when?”

“Six months ago.”

“Six months? When he went home with his parents? Why haven’t you told me?”

“I just don’t know how.”

A long pause again. He did not answer even a word.

“Look Gino, I love you, but just as a friend. Not the way I love Jake. I love the roses you send to me day after day but it doesn’t work at all. I love him. Ever since. I waited him for so long. You know that.”

Again he did not answer.

He gather our trash and finally he said something. Something that tear me apart.

“Seems like,” he said… “You don’t need me anymore”

I wanted to say that I still need him and I don’t want our friendship to end this way but I just kept silent knowing that any word from me might just add to the pain I already gave.

And seems like another memorable moment happened here.

In this park that is full of flowers, candy carts and happy people.