Another Way Around

Chapter Twenty One

I didn’t go to work for one whole week after I watched the video. I can’t even get out of my bed. And actually, I’m running out of reasons to my boss. But I feel weak inside, I can’t move, and if I do, I can’t breathe.

Mum is getting worried. Ali too.

I can’t eat more than two tablespoons of any meal and I can’t drink much. Something inside says I’m dying.

I closed my eyes and I saw a glimpse of me wearing a wonderful dress, happy and full of hopes and dreams.

I opened my eyes. And I told myself, I can’t just give up and let them justify that I am a loser and wasted.

I ate my breakfast. I drink a tumbler full of milk. I washed and dressed up. I looked to my mirror so hard without a blink. “This is the last time you will fail”

I went out of the house with my laptop and notebook and find a perfect spot for an inspiration for my “another story”. I can’t find myself going anywhere but in the Ever Park. I sat where me and Gino always had a wonderful conversation. I touched the bench; it never changed; only the people who used to sat in here. I breathe the air, I looked at the carts and the children who play under the sun, it is still the same place I used to love when Gino was around. Being here, I started to miss him. He is such a very gentle and caring man. He loves caring for people especially for me. He is sweet in every way. I miss how he gave me roses everyday that almost makes me sick, I love how we ate while he drive, how he listened to me like I have the best stories in the world, how he looked at me like I’m the most beautiful woman he ever saw and how he loved me like I’m the most special girl around.

Thinking about these things, it’s just so stupid to think that it took me so long to realize I love him too.  That I wanted him back, and hoping he still love me too. I kept on thinking if he still thinks about me, even just before he sleeps or when waking up in the morning.

I breathe deep and emailed him since it’s the only way I can communicate with him.

“Gino, please home come. Let’s start over.”

After fifteen minutes, he replied. And it’s really heart breaking.

“You know Gab. We can’t just go back.

We made decisions and there are consequences,

we made choices and that changes our fate.”

That is the last message I received from him. I thought, does he still remember our wonderful days? I looked up in the sky. The clouds were happily moving, they don’t need to make a choice but still they know where they were going and there’s a certain place they were heading.

Gino was right. We can’t just go back. If so, it will be another way around.

I kept on thinking, what if I just follow Mum and took up Architecture or Law, maybe I’m prospering in that career by this time. Or what if I watched the video on our graduation day, it may not be as painful as this. What if I realized soon enough that I love Gino… I was filled with what if’s..  what if I chose not the things that would make me happy but the things that were right. What could have it been if I’m just brave enough to face the things I am afraid to take?  I turned right, what if the thing I really wanted all my life was on the other side of the road? I don’t’ know but one thing is for sure,

It will all be another way around.