Dramatic Romantic

Fix Me

Hey guys this chapter has trigger WARNING.

Mentions of self-harm, Suicide and Abuse.

I will put dots before the paragraphs its mention in and commas where it stops.

Enjoy and thanks for reading

I got back to my room. "It's fine. It's fine" I was saying to myself over and over. I went into my bathroom to take off my top to have a look at my back. It stung as I pulled my top over my head and across my back. I gritted my teeth in pain.

Once my top was off I get a wet towel and try washing the scrapes on my back but I couldn't reach. "Shit" I said in pain and frustrated. I tried to look at it in the mirror but I couldn't see all of my back but what I did see looked like when you get your skin pulled off your knees or hand when you fall over and scrape alone the concrete.
I gave up. I decided to keep my top off as it was too sore to put anything on.

I rang Bianca, sitting on my bed. She didn't pick up and I needed someone to talk to desperately as I was starting to over think. I needed a distraction before I lost it. I crawl back on my bed and curled up in a ball with my hand around my legs and my head in my knees. This is my comfort position all closed up so no one can hurt me or touch me. I can pretend I'm invisible or even better...dead.

But, I soon realised that this hurt my back being tucked up. I moved so my legs were crossed and my back was straight. I hated sitting like this. It makes me feel to exposed and vulnerable. My hands were in my lap.

I was trying to think of anything but today. Just anything good, anything positive but of course that didn't work.

................................................

My thoughts started to take over yet again. I deserved what that boy did to me. I know I did. I remember when my Dad stood over me like that. Apart from there was nothing in my Dad's way, nothing to stop him from beating me. But I deserved every think I know I did. It's all my fault he's like that. All my fault. 

'Yes, that's right, Nico. All your fault. You were beaten at home. You might as will be beaten here aswell'. There it is again. The voice in my head. My depression talking to me. Telling me to suffocate on my own pain.

I started digging my nails in to the palms of my hands. "just stop please" I pleaded. Talking to the voice inside my head. 'you're going mad Nico. There is not a voice inside your head. It's you talking. Saying what really you deserve. Telling yourself what you should do. It's the truth inside your head. The truth you won't admit. THE TRUTH NICO" I was digging my nails into my palms at every word, using the pain to get rid of the voice. Also, If it's my voice inside my head then why do I hear my Dads? My Dad's tone, my Dad's volume my Dad harsh, cold, loud voice telling me to kill myself. Filling me with depression, Anxiety and suicide. The voice started again 'it is you, Nico? you pathetic boy. It's just your future. You're going to end up just like your Dad. beating your own children' "N-NO! never" I said trying to sound convincing, trying to overpower the other voice. I am terrified of the thought of turning in to my Dad. 'Just like that boy standing over you today. You will end up doing that to the ones you love the most. What that boy did to you today was nothing compared to what he will do to you next. Maybe tomorrow he will get you. Maybe the day after. Definitely all year' I dug my fingers into my hands more.

"Just leave me alone" I mutter.
I know I was going mad I didn't need the voice in my head to tell me that. I was losing it. The end of the road looked like suicide. Not getting a job, not meeting my soulmate and not having a life. I just can't handle it anymore and I've just started my new start. I'm not going to get nowhere I have no future
Interrupting my negative thought there was a knock at the door.