Taking Hits

Chapter 22: Why Are You Here?

Still mostly in a daze, Connor called up an Uber and made it to the hospital. Sage had texted him what wing they were in, and after asking directions from a security guard, he found it.

"Connor!" Sage exclaimed, running up to him with tear-filled eyes and wrapping him in an embrace. She sighed into his shoulder, and Connor tried to stem his own emotion as he returned the hug.

"Hey," he said quietly. His voice sounded distant, even to him.

She pulled away, looking at his face, then gave him another quick hug and led him back to the waiting room where Troye's parents and other siblings Steele and Tyde were sitting. They all got up and hugged him in turn, Troye's father squeezing him the tightest and whispering, "I'm glad you came."

They updated Connor on what had happened: Sage found Troye unconscious in his apartment and immediately dialed 000. An ambulance came, and she rode with him to the ER as they tried to keep him breathing and his heart beating normal.

They quickly diagnosed him with drug overdose and alcohol poisoning, which had caused seizures and vomiting even before Sage had arrived, then hypothermia, hypoxia, and irregular heart rhythms. Thankfully, there was no internal bleeding, and the oxygen mask was able to keep him breathing without any additional respiratory equipment.

His heart rate was now relatively stable, and he had woken up once a few hours ago, during which time they had all gone in to see him briefly, but he'd still been in a daze, and the nurses rushed them back out shortly after.

Troye's dad got Connor a sandwich and soda pop from the cafeteria. He tried to nibble on it, but he was still too uneasy about everything. He couldn't believe this was happening. His mind was doing somersaults, his head rested back against the wall.

Sage was sitting next to him, her hand gripping his tightly. He didn't know if it was more for his own good or for hers, but he was glad she was there. He was glad they all were. A thought entered his mind: if only they knew what you did. If only they knew this was your fault.

He immediately felt disgusting, revolting, abhorrent. He pulled his hand from Sage's and stood up, walking out of the room and finding the nearest exit. He couldn't control his breathing again. He felt his heart speed up. He wished he would just implode from how much he hated himself, how much he couldn't stand to be living inside his own body, inside his own mind. It was tearing him up from the inside out.

Connor found some steps and sat on them, intertwining his fingers painfully in his hair and rocking back and forth. If there was a way to shut off a mind, he would have given anything for it right then.

"Con... he's going to be ok," Connor heard from beside him. He faintly felt Sage's presence but didn't dare look up.

"I know," he muttered. "I know. He's strong, he'll be fine."

"What's the matter? You've been standoffish since you got here." Connor just kept rocking back and forth. "Please. You have to tell someone," Sage urged.

Connor stopped rocking. He loosened his hands and used them to cover his face. "We had a fight," he said simply.

"Go on."

Connor glanced at her, then buried his face again. "It's my fault. I said the shittiest things. I'm such an idiot. I'm the worst friend ever. It's no wonder he wanted to kill himself after that."