Taking Hits

Chapter 13: Is It A Bad Day?

Troye took Connor out the next day. They went roller-blading and hung out at some beach and tried to forget about everything. Troye even started teaching Connor to swim a bit. They tried so hard to convince themselves that everything was alright, that it would all be fine from now on out. Running around town holding hands and stealing kisses in the shadows, it seemed easy to believe.

Darkness came fast, and Troye ended up cuddled on top of Connor in his bed. "I wish I could just keep you here, and always know you were safe," Connor said quietly.

Troye offered no reply. "Do you think... things would be any different if I could?" Connor asked hesitantly. They both knew what he was referring to. And they both knew the answer.

Troye shut his eyes and remained silent for a few seconds. He looked back up at Connor. "Con, even with you, sometimes... I still..." His voice trailed off, and he averted his eyes.

"I know," Connor whispered before he started to speak again. "Don't say it... I know. I see it in your eyes sometimes." Troye smiled weakly up at him, a sad smile that said 'I'm sorry' without the words. "Right now..." Connor continued, "How do you feel now?"

Troye reached up to kiss his lips. "Perfect," he said. "I feel perfect right now."

Connor was still hesitant. "Troye?"

"Hmm?" Troye had nuzzled up against his neck, and his lips were buzzing against Connor's skin, making it a little bit hard for Connor to concentrate.

"You would tell me... you know, if you don't feel perfect... here... " he managed to get out.

"Yeah," Troye whispered against his neck. Then he pulled away slightly. "It's not you, Con... I mean, I don't want you to think... I just... I don't want to hurt you," Troye stuttered.

"I know," Connor whispered. "I know that." He flashed back briefly to the other morning, and he felt a sharp ache in his chest. "Everything I said the other day, I didn't mean it, I swear I didn't," he continued. "So please just tell me, Troye, and I'll back off, I'll give you any space you need, and I won't get hurt. I understand... I know what you're going through." His voice was low. "I won't get hurt because I understand..." He wanted to go on, to convince Troye without a doubt that it was ok.

But Troye lifted his face and put a finger up to Connor's lips. "I know," he said softly. "And I love you for it." He looked deep into Connor's eyes, seeing an ocean of love, salvation, forgiveness - seeing his savior.

"I love you too," he heard. "I'd do anything for you," Connor continued. "You know that, right?"

Troye hugged Connor tightly, lowering his head back to his savior's chest. "I know," he whispered. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, my love."

...........................................................................

Troye woke up beside Connor, the other boy's arms thrown loosely around him. He looked at his love's serene face. He thought of all the things Connor had said last night. He thought of how perfect this beautiful human being was.

And he thought of how much he had been bringing Connor down the past few days. I don't deserve him, he thought. What makes me think I do? I'm no good for him. He could do so much better. There has to be someone else out there who can love him and make him happy the way I can't.

Troye slithered out from under Connor's arms. He went to the bathroom and took a shower, then put on new clothes. Connor was awake when he came back. Troye almost wished he wouldn't be, so he could just disappear and not have this conversation.