Live Free

Beautiful Girl

"There is no greater grief than to remember days of gladness when sorrow is at hand."

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And just like that, she was gone from my life. 

Her eyes were peacefully closed, twigs and leaves clung to her hair as it cascaded around her limp head. Those beautiful lips that I never got to kiss lay in front of me, closed yet inviting. The blood gushing from her wrists formed a pool around her lifeless body. Her beige tank top and jeans were soaked in it. She wasn't smiling, nor was she frowning, she actually appeared content. 

At first I just stood there, taking in the scene in front of me. The small pocketknife I kept in my back pocket rested on the ground beside her, the blade flipped out covered in blood. I never screamed, I never cried. For some reason all I could do was fall to my knees and stare hopelessly at my best friend. 

Next to her feet, a folded up note fluttered when a breeze swept by. Without thinking, I picked it up and shoved it in my pocket, not even giving it a second look as I crawled over to Sky. Running my fingers through her hair, I plucked out most of the debris and let my hand cup her face. With my other hand, I checked her pulse just to confirm what I already knew. 

There was none. 

Her flawless face was as beautiful as it ever was before, and with no resistance I leaned down and briefly pressed my lips against hers. Though she didn't respond, invisible fireworks still exploded in my mind as I pulled away. There wasn't anything I could possibly do to get her back, she was gone forever, but at least I got my first (and last) kiss with her. 

I did the only thing I could think to do at the moment, I ran. Sprinting from our clearing, I let my legs take me away. Dodging trees and branches wasn't an easy thing to do, and who knows, maybe I did get scratched a few times, not that I ever noticed. Not long after, my surrounding suddenly changed and I was no longer in the woods but in an empty field. 

Far away in the distance, I spotted the mini mart. The old man could surely help, right? 

All I remember was thinking that I wanted to go home, and that I couldn't stay here without Sky by my side. Her world had become mine, and now I was by myself. The only thing the forest held for me were painful memories that I wanted to leave untouched. 

I sprinted into the store out of breath and out of my mind. My body was shaking like a leaf, and my mind couldn't comprehend the situation clearly enough. 

My mouth couldn't form the words I needed to express that something bad happened. At first the old man greeted me with a smile, but after seeing the state I was in he began to worry.

"What's going on, son? Is there something wrong?"

Yes, there's something wrong. The one person I ever truly cared about is dead, and I wasn't there to save her in time. I couldn't tell him this, so instead I pointed toward the missing children sign on the wall and showed him Sky's picture. From what he told he later, I was crying, but in that moment I couldn't remember feeling the tears roll down my cheek.

"Something's wrong with the girl?" he asked, already reaching out for the phone beside the register. I nodded and fell to the floor, putting my head in between my legs and rocking back and forth, just like when I was comforting Sky when she cried. My eyes squeezed so tight I worried they would pop out of their sockets, and without realizing it I had my nails digging so hard into my arms that they began to bleed.

There were so many emotions running through my head. I was angry with myself and at Sky for thinking there was no other way out. I felt defeated inside, like I wasn't enough to save her from herself. Was there anything that I could've done that hadn't already been done?

Was I not worth living for?

Didn't she know how much I love her? Did she think I wouldn't care if she died? Or did she not care what anybody thought, was she really that broken? I tried my hardest to pull her back into reality, and to me she was as happy as ever. The signs of her depression were starting to disappear. Had this only been an impulsive decision?

Maybe she just felt like pulling out the blade and doing it. Or maybe she had been planning it for a while. How was I to know? I knew she was sad, but I never knew she was sad enough to commit suicide.

Suicide. What a horrible word for such a horrible act.

(Didn't she care about me? Did I do something wrong? Say the wrong thing?)

Like I said, I've never been in love before. Now I don't think I'll ever want to be again.

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Thirty minutes later an ambulance and a few cops pulled up. They rushed in and went straight to me. I couldn't speak, so I just pointed to her picture again. They didn't know what was going on, so the old man told them that we were runaways and apparently something was wrong with the girl. He never mentioned anything about helping us out along the way, which I was thankful for because he was a kind man and didn't deserve to be punished for us.

"Well I'll be damned, we finally found you. Do you realize how long you've been gone?" one of the cops asked, astonishment etched on his face.

"He told me when he came in that they've been living the woods the entire time," the old man chimed in, trying to explain my situation so I wouldn't have to.

"Do you know where the girl is?"

'Y-yes, she's in the forest," I stuttered.

"Why don't you show us where she is?"

Right before I was about to agree, a thought hit me. If they followed me, that would allow them to see our clearing. That was our spot, it wasn't meant for anyone else to see.

'I'll go get h-her, sir," I said, standing up.

"I don't think that's such a good idea, we can help you," a paramedic said.

"No, don't worry. I'll go get h-her." With that said, I ran back out the door, leaving the men in the mini mart with nothing but confused faces. Our spot wasn't too far away, maybe ten or fifteen minutes. It made me wonder how I was able to run so fast through the woods before. It felt like I had only been running for less than a minute before I ended up in the field. Now, I only jogged.

Pausing before passing by the familiar thorns, I had to prepare myself for the sight of her again. When I went to get her, I took one last look at her final resting position and reached down to pick her up. She wasn't a heavy person, but something weighed me down. After carrying her body bridal style for a few minutes, I realized it was the thought of me holding her for the last time. I wouldn't get a second chance to be alone with her, even though she was the only one I was with for six months. Six months was nothing compared to the life that we could've had if she was living.

Every step dragged my heart further down. It was all the blood and it was the fact that this beautiful person would never talk again, or run, or eat any more berries she found off of bushes. Wherever she was, I hoped she was happy. I hope it was where she wanted to be.

Before I got to the field, I allowed myself to lean down and give her a peck on the forehead. She was so cold.

Walking across the pasture, in this serene summer day with the sun shining and the sky blue, it came to me that I would never be truly happy again.

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