Well. I am not doing good lately. It's summer and I am super duper depressed right now. My friends here won't text me nor talk to me. My friends back home keep saying 'I need to go' even though they're not busy. I even f-ING call them. They said 'call me everyday!' When I was with them!!! BUT THEY NEVER CALL ME F-ING BACK!! I'm sorry I'm emotional right now...
I only text them only 2 f-ing texts! And they say.. 'I gtg' or don't text me back. I have been throwing up lately. And I am super tired, I didn't sleep for 2 days. I am not eating at all.
Well! Who needs a fucking SOCAIL life!!! With the voices is my head to keep me company!!
I always loose my friends!! SOME!! Bully me! SOME!! Doesn't acknowledge me anymore!! SOME!! I push away because I don't want them to be too caught up in my depression!! SOME!! Even hate me!! FOR NO F-ING REASON!!!
I look in the mirror now. I torture myself. I say 'huh... Look... It's a monster.., in the f-Ing mirror... Oh wait it's me... I'm the f-ing monster...'
I guess no one understands! I cry a LOT!! Every f-ing day!!! I won't stop! I only have CC! And Kamryn left!! They are my light right now!! They are keeping me! Going!!
Thank you! CC!! THANK YOU!! Kamryn!! THANK YOU!!! You never left!! You two are the longest I ever had! I have you two! But I'm afraid I'll loose you CC and Kam! I love you two so much! Like sisters!
I don't know what I'll do without you two! I miss you so f-Ing much right now! I wish I could hug you two!!
I hate this feeling... I hate the depression... The stress... The pressure... I'm even crying right now! I am always thinking... Should I run away?
Should I! Not show my depression feeling towards the people I love and hate?! I only have my friends right now!
I am starting to loose my own family! Because of f-Ing me! Because I am way too depressed! I shut them out! I do in my room and just cry. I cry! I cut! I cry! I try! But nothin is happening! I want a better life!! I NEED!! A better life!
I don't know what to do now... I can't show it to my mother... I just can't. I don't want her to like.... Ya know... Stuff. I can't tell but. I just want to get out of this hell-hole...
And kids who are reading this. I'm sorry about my language... I'm so sorry...
~Caelyn
