How to talk to an anti-social, introvert, selective mute or socially nervous person.
A list of recommendations and advise on how to get an anti-social person to interact with you, talk to you, and show you their personalities.
Step one:
Don't be in a big group of people, talk to everyone at once, and expect an anti-social person to participate. You have to take them apart, at first at least.
Anti-social people find it hard to talk to many people at once, they will mentally give their opinions, and feel bad for not being able to express them.
The trick is to be alone with them, and accept to leave your "Bffs" for a little while, it'll make them feel they matter enough for you to give them some of your time.
Step two:
Once you're alone with the person... Talk about things everyone can talk about (Music, love life, food...), and make sure not to express a negative opinion about anything while doing that.
That means, if you for example want to talk about music, don't go straight ahead and say:
"Yes I hate rock and metal it's disgusting, don't you agree?"
That's not the right way to do it! What if the person likes what you're insulting?
That would be better:
"What's your favorite music type? I'm into pop."
Step three:
Ask them for advise, it will make them feel like you trust them enough. Tell them if something is bugging you, quiet people can be trusted easily.
Don't ask them about them directly, if they have nothing to answer about that question they will feel like they have no lives.
Go easy on them, anti-social people need a quiet enviroment to speak.
If there's something you know you both like, talk about it.
Step four:
When they start answering your questions with full sentences rather than words, NEVER, oh NEVER cut them off. They might stay quiet for a long, long, long time after you do that.
And if you do cut them off by mistake, go quiet immediately. You will notice they won't continue what they started, ask them to.
"Go on."
"Sorry, you were saying?"
"Didn't mean to cut you off, go on?"
Step five:
When they're alone, don't hesitate to give up sitting with your friends to go take them back apart, and have a little talk.
I know this all seems annoying, but just a few words from you can make them happy, a few words can change their life. A few words, can make them feel like they have someone.
DON'T YOU EVER:
-Make negative jokes. EVER. Don't insult anyone unless you know for a fact they dislike them too.
-Call them along to walk with you and your group of friends, they will stay quiet and walk behind, and feel like a puppy following his master.
-Bring up religion.
-Talk about how much you love meat if they're vegetarian.
-Bring up any subjects that can personally put you in a state of rage if the other person disagrees.
