The 101 Series

How To Look Broke 101

Ya must be wondering, "Why the fuck would I wanna look broke?" I assure you, there are benefits of looking like a beggar on the streets. Like if ya don't wanna be mugged on the ghetto streets, I suggest looking broke. Like who the fuck will steal from someone that's broke? Anyways, this relates to me a shit ton. I look like a broke ass mother fucker each day I go to school. Though I usually have on average about $20-$30 each day. But ya know, nobody would know since I look broke as fuck. Here are some tips on how to look broke ;) One of my autobiographies dedicated to myvkookies

Step 1: Use shit until it's broken to bits. What this means is basically, use shit until it's literally non usable. For example, I have a pair of headphones that are basically broken. Well actually I taped up the microphone because it was falling apart but like both sides still work. Who the fuck wants to mug someone that has cheap ass, taped up, earphones? This is probably the scenario:

Mugger #1: *whispers to his partner* Yo dude, let's mug that girl over there.

Mugger #2: Nah man *points at her earphones* That bitch can't even afford a decent pair of earphones.

Me: *takes out her earphones* Ya know I can hear you, right? *puts the earphones back into her ears* And I can afford decent headphones I just don't find the need to buy new ones, when these ones still work. *walks away casually*

Step 2: Have a crusty ass phone. Think about it for a second, "Who would a thief steal from? Someone with a $50 dollar flip phone or someone with an iPhone 6?" If that mother fucker hasn't been living under a rock for their life or isn't stupid, then they'd probably steal from the person with the iPhone. Shiny devices like an iPhone triggers the thief's interest to steal from you. When you're like me with a old cheap ass phone, ain't nobody gonna steal it unless they wanna call 911. This would be the scenario if someone wanted to steal my phone:

Me: *walks down the sidewalk casually* [♪Making my way downtown♪- Okay I'm done.]

Thief: *holds out a bag* Put your phone in the bag, bitch.

Me: Okay..? *shrugs and puts her crusty $50 phone into the bag*

Thief: *pulls out the phone and stares at it in disgust* The fuck is this? *holds up the phone*

Me: My phone.

Thief: *gives her back the phone* I don't want that cheap, ratchet ass phone. *runs off*

Step 3: Wear non branded clothing [I do not mean torn or dirty clothing here, k?]. I mean seriously, if ya look like a fucking beggar, people will think of you as a beggar. Ain't no beggar I've seen wearing Nike unless they are a fuckboy trying to get some extra cash. I wonder if someone would be stupid enough to give that fuckboy money... But anyways, many targets of theft are rich people. NO SHIT, THEY WEAR NICE CLOTHING. NICE CLOTHING EQUALS WEALTH. So, if ya wore okay clothing, thieves would think that you're okay/middle classed. They'd rather go for the fuckers with the money. "Make it rain," is the saying isn't it.

Step 4: Have broken shoes. If you know me well, I usually break my shoes somehow... What I mean by that is whenever I get new shoes, in one month they usually have holes. I don't fucking know what I do to those shoes, they just can't withstand me. Anyways, enough about me, the scenario would carry out a little bit like this:

{Thieves in a bush cuz why not}

Thief #1: *looks into binoculars* Dude, let's go mug that girl over there.

Thief #2: Gimme that. *grabs the binoculars and looks at her shoes* WHAT ARE THOSEEEEE?!

Thief #1: SHUT UP!! *covers his mouth and pushes Thief #2 to the ground*

Me: *looks towards that bush and shrugs, skipping away*

Step 5: If ya don't wanna listen to any of the suggestions up there, I highly advise this one [Literally, this one is legit]. DON'T FLASH YOUR MOTHER FUCKING VALUABLES. [True story that happened last year] There was this guy at my school who got mugged because he was out and about taking photos. Our school is generous and allows us to borrow the legit cameras for school purposes. Also he had about a few hundred bucks on him that kept flashing. NO SHIT HE'D GET MUGGED WITH AN EXPENSIVE CAMERA AND 200-300 DOLLARS IN CASH. Frankly I did feel bad for him but at the same time, I thought he was an idiot. The moral of this story is NOT TO BRING VALUABLES TO SCHOOL. That's why I have a crusty ass phone so that if I lost it or it got stolen, [Who the fuck would wanna steal it anyways] that it wouldn't be a big deal.

And there you have it, How To Look Broke 101 and ONE benefit of it. I strongly suggest to follow the last step only, the rest were a fucking joke. I hoped you enjoyed and look forward for more idiotic and humorous 101's in the future. Bye Felicia!!~ ;)